Special Days Are Still Difficult

As I previously mentioned, Lydia’s 9th birthday was last weekend! We had a fun day together, as you might expect. But, as the evening wore on and bedtime grew close, Lydia started feeling sad.

Perhaps she was already feeling sad, but she didn’t say anything earlier in the day. We were watching “Jingle Jangle” on Netflix, and I thought everything was going well. But toward the end of the show, Lydia started softly crying.

She said the show was sad, although I hadn’t noticed anything overly sad about it. It could have been the fact that it was growing late, or maybe it was just coming down after a high point (celebrating her birthday). Either way, I still needed to help her understand and deal with her emotions.

I silently prayed for help and asked Lydia to share what was on her mind. She couldn’t quite express her thoughts, so I asked a few questions to get her talking. She missed her dad, my late husband, Dave.

Soon, I remembered I had some of Dave’s clothes, saved for this very reason. Around seven years ago, I had packaged up a medium-sized box of his favorite shirts and a pair of jeans, so Lydia could one day understand more about how tall he was and his interests.

I asked Lydia if she wanted to see the clothes, and naturally, she said yes. Going through the box was bittersweet… and, I had to explain what that word means. Each piece of clothing brought back specific memories with Dave or reminded me who he was.

To me, the saddest part of all is that Lydia doesn’t have memories of Dave. She just has his clothes, his pictures, and other people’s memories. Nonetheless, I validated Lydia’s emotions and acknowledged that it was normal to feel sad, angry, or even a sense of unfairness. As she grows, so does her grief.

I offered to wash her Daddy’s clothes so she could hold them close. Just about every week, she wears her Caterpillar sweatshirt and a couple of t-shirts honoring Dave. She quickly asked if she could wear them around the house or to sleep in some of them. Sure!

I started a load of laundry, never thinking I would wash those items again… Then, I coached Lydia how to handle those difficult emotions.

I explained that some people want to run away from their emotions or numb the pain in various ways. But that doesn’t really take care of the problem, it just prolongs it.

I encouraged Lydia to do the following. We can:

  1. Draw near to God, asking Him to help us through the pain. We can tell Jesus all about it. He understands and knows exactly what we need.
  2. Share our pain with someone trustworthy. Our feelings are not the only thing, but they still are valid. Not everyone will understand, but find someone who will let you cry it out, if needed, and who won’t just tell you to get over it.
  3. Sit with the pain, as long as needed. Just let it be. Try to get to the root of the problem to understand how to deal with it appropriately.
  4. Then, find someone else you can help with the lessons you learned. Be gentle and don’t assume that everyone wants to be helped. Trust God to use your pain to bring comfort and peace where it is needed most.

Lydia and I sat on the couch for quite awhile, maybe an hour. My legs were falling asleep, as she was snuggled on my lap. It was well past bedtime when I finally turned out her light. Parents want to shield their children from pain, but there are still some situations where that’s not possible.

The next day, I gave Dave’s clean clothes to Lydia. She embraced them and took them straight to her room. She picked out the largest sweatshirt she could find and wore it the rest of the day. She even slept in it and said she had the best sleep ever. Thank You, Jesus!

Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and that will look dramatically different for many of us. For me and Lydia, it’s par for the course. We’ve had seven years to adjust, but then again, we’ve been adjusting for seven years! Special days are still difficult at times.

This year, people around the world are missing their loved ones who either passed from COVID or who are socially distancing to protect themselves or others. I’m so sorry.

In the struggle, remember it’s normal to feel how you feel. Let it out and deal with it in healthy ways. Pray, journal, call your loved ones, take a nap, go for a walk, etc.

Also please remember you are loved. You are not alone. We are in this together, and God is here with us. Despite all we have lost, we still have so much to be thankful for.

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God, thanks for always being there for us, in the good times and bad. Thank you we can draw near to You at any time of day, no matter how we are feeling. Please be with each of us, and wrap us in Your love and grace. Help us keep our eyes on You, not our circumstances. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Are you altering your plans this holiday season? What is your favorite tradition, and can you put a new spin on it? What are you most thankful for this year?

Tasks: Make a gratitude list, or write down what is going well. Be on the lookout for ways you can encourage others. You might be surprised how God uses your pain to help someone else!

God’s Kindness, A Calling Card

Recently, I was talking with a lady who was widowed about a year ago. Understandably, she has been missing her late husband quite a bit, especially as we head into the holiday season. As a result, she has been reading books and articles about the afterlife.

It may be comforting to read about what our loved ones are experiencing in Heaven (if they go there), but she mentioned some ideas that made me a little wary. Humans who die do not become guardian angels, for instance!

I did my best to answer her questions about my own grief journey. Then, I guided her to the Truth…that is, I pointed her back to Jesus!!

Later, my friend said, “God’s judgment doesn’t seem as bad as one would expect,” based on her reading of other people’s near death experiences. I didn’t ask what she was referencing, but still, I felt the need to gently clarify a few things for her.

First, God’s judgment and wrath is very serious. He doesn’t play favorites, punishing some sinners but not others. We see this over and over in the Bible. 

In the Old Testament, God banished Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden. Then, we read about the Flood, and later, King David losing a child as a result of adultery. We also see Judah being exiled to Assyria and Israel being exiled to Babylon after generations of debauchery. And, these were God’s chosen people!

In the New Testament, new Christians (Ananias and Sapphira) were struck dead for lying to the Holy Spirit. There are other cases of pending judgment in the book of Revelation.

Second, God’s judgment is not unjust or without warning. He sent His Word through many prophets over many years, and later, Jesus Christ Himself! He warns us about the consequences of our choices. He asks us to confess our sins and turn from evil, choosing Life over Death. Then, He repeatedly gives us opportunities to repent and make things right. 

Apparently, we are slow learners, but I’m thankful He is so patient with us!

Nonetheless, there are consequences for our actions. For better or worse, we reap what we sow. Indeed, the Bible says we will be held accountable for our words and our actions.

Third, God’s mercy, grace, and forgiveness are bountiful. If we know Jesus and have accepted His FREE GIFT of salvation, we don’t have to be afraid of death or judgment. I am guessing this is what my friend meant to say.

Romans 2 is all about God’s law and judgment, but Romans 2:4 says that God’s kindness leads us to repentance. I love that! We see His generosity all around us, and His kindness is like a calling card. Oh, how God wants us to know Him and be with Him! 

It’s like when someone goes out of their way to bless you, help you, or meet a huge need. You are so thankful, you can’t help but live differently. You may ‘pay it forward’ or return the favor, or just become really close to the person because you appreciate what they did for you.

So it is with God’s kindness. He overwhelms us with His goodness, and we can’t help but bask in His love! We can never repay Him, but we can live differently as a result.

Only God’s love (through Jesus) can bring the true change we need. When we know how much He loves us, our lives will start to change. In gratitude, we can acknowledge the good things in our lives and give Him full credit! Let’s come to Jesus and receive His peace and joy today!

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God, You are so gracious and good to me. Thanks for all You do! Help me not take Your kindness for granted. I want to make choices that honor You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Have you accepted God’s free gift of salvation? How has God been kind to you? How has His kindness changed how you think and act (i.e. repent)?

Tasks: If you are curious to learn more, check out the book, Heaven, by Randy Alcorn. (There are still some things we just won’t know until we get there, but the author gives a comprehensive explanation and breaks down key points based on Scripture.)

**If you don’t know if you will end up in Heaven after you die, make that decision today!**

Finding Grace #245

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week was went by quickly, yet it was full of God’s goodness. We had cooler weather this week, but that’s not unusual for November!

The VA was busy as usual, but I am thankful for the work we are doing. Lydia and I both were off for Veterans day on Wednesday, so we enjoyed a relaxing day at home. I met with my students virtually and graded papers, while she played games and cleaned her room.

COVID cases continue to rise all around us, so we continue to pray for those affected and play it safe. Of course, we are wearing masks, washing our hands, and social distancing. We have shopped online, minimized our social calendar, and met people online when possible. For instance, this week, Lydia’s teacher and I met virtually for a routine conference, and I am grateful Lydia is doing well.

Tonight, I am meeting a friend on Zoom to catch up. And, Lydia is having a friend sleepover for her birthday (which is next week). We see this little girl often, though of course, there are no guarantees. We are doing our best to live in this strange time!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Freedom Isn’t Free

A little over a year ago, I started working with Veterans. Since then, I have learned several facts and statistics about them. For example, Veterans have higher risks of suicide, diabetes, obesity, and homelessness.

Veterans come from many backgrounds and cultures. In America, we can’t always tell if someone has served in the US military by the way they dress or act. They may walk with their head held high, or they may walk with a limp. Unless, they wear a hat or t-shirt, or have a bumper sticker, or proudly tell you, that is.

However, I have started to notice certain signs. If a man is of a certain age, chances are he served in World War II, for instance. Things were different back then, but even women volunteered!

Similarly, I sometimes wonder if that homeless man on the curb with the sign is a Veteran. I also wonder if a person with an artificial arm or leg lost it in combat. Or, if the issues they face know are worse because of their time serving our country.

Perhaps not, but it does make me thankful for what I have… and for the sacrifices our brave Veterans have made.

When I think of those sacrifices, I am reminded that freedom isn’t free. In May, we remember those who have lost their lives in service to our country, but in November, we remember all who served.

Some Veterans (and current soldiers) gave life or limb, but all have given up time with family and friend, education and careers, free time, and even the ability to just relax.

Each week, I educate, listen, and counsel men and women who put their lives on hold to fulfill a greater purpose. Some were drafted/mandated, but many volunteered.

I feel privileged to be able to give back to them.

As you go about your day, think of all the activities you enjoy doing without even thinking twice about them. Besides, free speech, the right to bear arms, and the right to vote, there are many other rights and privileges we use everyday.

Do you sleep in when you get the chance? Do you enjoy your coffee while watching the sunrise? Do you take your time while reading the news or taking a shower?

Do you exercise when you feel like it, and watch movies when you don’t? Do you have time to enjoy your food and pick what you like?

Do you go to the store for groceries or a special treat just because? Do you mostly give, spend, and save on your own terms?

If so, thank a Veteran! Attend a ceremony today or write a thank you card. Our rights and privileges came at a cost… Because freedom isn’t free.

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God, thank You for giving us ultimate freedom and peace through Jesus. Today, we honor all those those who have stood for and protected our freedom in times of war and in times of peace. Lord, we appreciate You and them. Help us walk worthy of the sacrifices made on our behalf. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Are you a Veteran? Do you have anyone in your family who is a Veteran?

Tasks: Takes some time to ask a Veteran where they served and how. If they are willing to share more, listen and ask thoughtful questions. Consider how your responses to current events may seem to someone who has protected your rights to feel, think, and act how you wish. Don’t take freedom for granted!

Supreme

NOTE: I started this post before the election, so I could watch the results roll in on election night… and, I wanted to minimize my own biases.

While this is not political blog, I do value the right to vote. I appreciate all the women who fought for me to choose our government leaders. I don’t take that lightly.

However, regardless of the outcome, the final results are only one part to consider. The results carry a whole lot of impact, but they are not the end-all-be-all.

That’s because our eyes are on Jesus. He is not swayed by American politics, or any others, for that matter. He is not impressed by catchy campaign slogans or snappy comebacks. He does not rely on our (sometimes misguided) choices to inform His will.

He is above it all, and He reigns SUPREME.

It seems every four years, or perhaps every two years (midterms), people get all worked up. They get mad, and many make fools of themselves. What happened to civil discourse and agreeing to disagree, while still being friends?

Then, we readjust and life goes on. Of course, that may change from one decade or generation to another… but for better or worse, true change takes time.

It still comes down to individuals doing what is right and good, not strict government mandates. This requires each of us to stand in the gap and look out for each other.

You know, be kind to each other and consider others before ourselves…

If you are overly anxious about the election results thus far, perhaps it’s time to take a break. Yes, we can pray and vote our conscience, but we only have one vote. 

Don’t carry a burden that’s not meant for you. Do what you can, but then, let God be God.

Like many people, I look forward to watching the results. It’s easy to be on edge as things progress, especially if there are surprises! But, no matter how you voted, it’s a new day.

If our country is going to experience healing and move forward, we have to put our differences behind us. Let go of any bitterness or animosity.

Each of our choices matter, but we don’t have to wait another four years to get involved. Be the change. Join a campaign. Volunteer at a local shelter or run a food drive. 

At the end of the day, we are all works in progress. So, let’s give God credit and know He has a plan for us and America. He is always faithful and will not forget about us.

In God we trust!

What happens in the next four years is not a surprise to God. And, we don’t have to have all the answers to walk by faith. God is still on His throne, and He is always good!

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God, we praise You! You are not surprised nor swayed by politics, yet You place leaders in charge. Then, You guide those who are willing. Lord, we need revival! Turn the heart of our nation to You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Question: Do you enjoy watching the election night results come in?

Tasks: Regardless of who wins the election, keep the bigger picture in mind. Be kind, pray, and get involved. Check out these Bible verses: Isaiah 9:6; Romans 13:1.

Finding Grace #243

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week was busy, and I kept getting my days mixed up! Work at the VA was full and fast-paced but good. And, I had some great conversations with my college students, too. I had to set a few alarms for myself so I didn’t forget anything, though! 😉

The snow we received over the last week or so has mostly melted. We had somewhat warmer temperatures, around 40+ degrees (F) these last few days. Lydia did not want to wear her coat or snow pants… she was so hot with the heatwave!

This week, Lydia and I decorated a pumpkin, which involved more drilling than carving! Today, we relaxed, and tonight, we are passing out candy to trick-or-treaters, though Lydia opted to have an indoor scavenger hunt looking for candy. 🙂

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

A Simple Hello

One thing I appreciate about my job is that people say hello to each other in the hallways. Not everyone does this, but most people I see do reciprocate.

It makes me feel welcome and like I am part of the team. It helps promote a culture of respect, but it’s also good for employee morale and customer service.

Yesterday, I had an interesting thing happen. Someone I have been greeting over the last year finally greeted me back for the first time! It helps that I wasn’t focused on my phone.

I said ‘good morning’ to a lady and was so pleased when she said good morning to me! Now, that may not seem like a big deal, but to me it was.

You see, I always notice people from other cultures and backgrounds. It may be the style of dress or accent, but I love learning about other cultures.

I always put myself in their shoes (as much as I can) and consider ways to include them so they don’t feel like an outsider. 

I do not know why this lady never responded before now… Perhaps it is simply her personality. Perhaps she is shy or quiet by nature, but I felt it was a breakthrough.

To me, it seemed she is more comfortable and willing to open up a bit. She may not want to be close friends, and that’s certainly okay. I just hope she feels like she belongs.

Of course, someone doesn’t have to be from another culture in order to honor them. Truthfully, there are plenty of people who feel like outsiders.

We don’t have to automatically agree with others, or buy into whatever makes them different, but we should prioritize being kind and friendly.

Often, we don’t know what someone else is going through. In this current season, there are so many variables! Especially when we are wearing masks, it could be enough just to see them and listen. Encourage them to be who they are.

Or, maybe you can spend more time together and by doing so, point them to Jesus. Either way, be open and willing to learn.

Yesterday, when the lady greeted me back, I was so pleased because it showed something so simple can brighten someone’s day. It also showed me the power of being kind.

Additionally, I was reminded that we should keep doing good even we do not see results. Persistence pays off and Jesus is glorified!

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God, thanks so much for creating us uniquely. Help us look for the good in others and find common ground. Help us be a blessing to those around us. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Questions: How does the environment where you work affect your performance and job satisfaction? What can you do differently to change your work culture in a positive way?

Task: Try greeting everyone you see today! Look for ways to show God’s grace and goodness to them. It could be a simple smile or hello, or it could be going deeper and getting to know others. Whatever it is, pray for wisdom, put down your phone, and be brave!

Finding Grace #242

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week was really good! Even though it is still autumn, it felt a little like winter! Lydia and I watched the Nutcracker (Four Realms) movie and are feeling festive!

We got a little snow this week, though there are many trees still with leaves! I ended up buying two new shovels, and I was proud of how well Lydia did! I also appreciated her good attitude!

My work week went well, and Lydia enjoyed a planned week off of school! She went to daycare, but had fun doing special art projects. She also had fun playing in the snow with her new boots and wool shirts and socks. I bought her some new clothing items for the season!

This week, I made some progress on a project and even organized some areas in my house. I always feel short on time, so I’m happy to have gotten some things done.

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Finding Grace #241

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week a little different than usual! It was good, though. On Monday, I had the day off work at the VA. I hosted a Zoom meeting with my college students and also got a massage. The massage was an interesting experience!

On Wednesday, Lydia stayed home, not feeling her best. Of course, I stayed home, too. It was unexpected, but nice to stay home and have a “free” day. Lydia rested and quietly read, while I worked on a project and did some grading. Perhaps it was just what we needed. Thankfully, Lydia felt better and went to school the next day.

Yesterday was a good, productive day! I taught my class in-person and did some “school work” like answering emails and grading. Then, I ran some errands and hung out with Lydia!

This week, I put up my outdoor Christmas lights. We also received some snow yesterday and today, which has already melted. But, it helped put me in the holiday mood!

Today, Lydia and I are doing science experiences and having a spa day. We are learning about the solar system and playing with our hair. I’m so grateful for my girl!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

A Time for Healing

Sometimes God brings things full circle when we least expect it…

To start, the last gift I ever received from Dave was a gift certificate for Mother’s Day to a local massage place. I had been having a lot of neck and shoulder pain, and massage generally seemed to help. Plus, it was nice to be pampered!

Back in 2013, when I finally used the gift certificate, I burst into tears as soon as the massage therapist started. She stopped and asked me if I was okay. I explained that my husband had recently died and this massage was reminding me of him. She was very understanding and spoke comforting words to me.

Honestly, I have had noticeable back, shoulder, and neck pain for many years, noticable even in college around the time Dave and I met (in 2000). This is probably related to walking to campus every day with too many heavy books in my backpack! Perhaps, I did not focus on proper posture or prioritize self-care amid other daily life stresses… I just accepted the pain as normal for so many years.

While my pain may not be as bad as someone else’s pain, it has hindered my choice to be as active as I would like. I have gone “easy” when exercising, in order to not make the pain worse. The pain has been building over time, and I haven’t wanted to push myself.

Flash forward through many massages, yoga, chiropractic care, a new mattress, several new pillows, and various contraptions to “help” my pain in the 7.5 years since Dave died… I have spent a fair amount of money trying to find the missing link in becoming well again!

Well, I recently found ‘one more thing’ that promised to build shoulder strength. It seemed fairly simple and only takes a few minutes. By focusing on several muscles, it helps cover any other weak or torn areas. The tool is called ROTATOReliever (not an affiliate), and I figured the money-back guarantee was worth me trying it.

To my great relief, my pain has been nearly eliminated!

I can now sit up fully straight with no issues, other than if I sleep funny or start to slouch or am at my computer for a long time. I have been amazed to have long periods of no pain at all. I’m pinching myself, and wondering if it will last. I am also doing more exercises and challenging myself more.

I am still being careful, to some degree because I don’t want to blow my success! I will certainly keep up with these new habits to maintain being pain-free, but at this point, I am calling it a win. I have been praying for healing all these years!

Then, to bring it back around, this week, I was off from work on Monday. I decided to use up what remained of another massage gift certificate (from my birthday). My massage therapist is moving to a new location, so I wanted to use it up before she leaves.

I did not expect things to come full circle, but this time, she was the emotional one. She said she was nervous to open her own business, and I did my best to encourage her. I really appreciate this massage therapist’s approach to body work, and I will likely follow her to her new practice.

But, throughout the massage, I kept bracing myself for the usual pain. I kept waiting for the first twinge, but then I noticed something. I had no pain at all! This was a first for me, and it caught me by surprise and made me praise God! What a breakthrough to have little to no pain! Not only that, but I was also able to encourage someone who comforted me when I really needed it before.

Sometimes, God brings immediate, miraculous healing. But, most often, healing takes time. Changing our habits takes effort, as there are many layers to growth! Success is not just from one tool, but from many positive changes all adding up. And still at other times, He takes us to Heaven for a more complete healing. No matter how he does it, He is faithful.

Whatever season you find yourself in, remember to trust God. He is with you and for you; He will make all things right in His time. Nothing surprises God, and nothing is impossible for Him. Perhaps He wants to use you (and your joy or pain) to bless someone else. Either way, He’s got your covered with His grace!

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God, thanks for Your healing touch! Thanks for not only restoring my heart and body, but also for letting me encourage others. Help me extend Your grace to others so they may experience Your goodness, too. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: What life season do you find yourself in? Are you content or not? Do you have more joy or more pain? Are there any changes you can make? How can you turn the situation over to God?

Tasks: Read Ecclesiastes Chapter 3. Time does not heal all wounds, but God can and does. Trust Him!