Tag: weakness

Posted on in Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Parenting, Perseverance, Wisdom

Wiggle It Out

When I was a kid and had a loose tooth, I wiggled it like crazy until it came out. It was a fun challenge and felt like a rite of passage. For Lydia, not so much.

By now, she has lost a number of teeth and should be used to it. But, whenever she has a loose tooth, she gets upset about the impending loss. She feels lightheaded and is worried about the potential pain. Like her dad, she doesn’t like the sight of blood.

So, this last weekend, it all came to a head when Lydia had yet another loose tooth. I convinced her it would come out faster, and cause less pain overall, if she wiggled it.

Well, of course, Lydia grew a little woozy and wanted to stop. I offered to help and/or pull it out and she waffled. I didn’t want to pressure her, so I let it go.

Eventually, after more encouragement, Lydia let me have a turn. Thankfully, it was mostly ready and came out with a little effort. She ran to look at her mouth in the bathroom mirror. She bravely overlooked the small amount of blood.

Soon, Lydia came back to me with a huge smile on her face. She was relieved. With a sigh, Lydia said, “Wow. I feel like a load is off my shoulders!”

A little while later, she came over again and said, “Mom! My new tooth is already poking through. Gosh…. That was fast!”

The new adult tooth was just waiting on the baby tooth to leave!

That night, Lydia and I talked about how her sense relief was far better than her fear. She had been worried but realized she didn’t need to be…

Baby teeth have purpose for a time, before giving way to adult teeth. Losing them is totally normal and natural. Similarly, God’s plan for us also is perfect and purposeful. It doesn’t need to be scary or odd!

Interestingly, on Monday, Lydia was excited to watch me get my teeth cleaned at the dentist! Going to the dentist is kind of uncomfortable, but of course important.

As we drove to daycare and work after the dentist, we talked about teeth and also how fear plays out in other areas of life.

Often, we stop short of what God is calling us to do because we are afraid. We may fear missing out or what is required. We may want to play it safe and stay comfortable.

Still, we cannot have Victory when we give in to fear and doubts. Instead, when we have questions, we can take them to Jesus. In His presence, our worries fade and we grow stronger in faith.

When we let Jesus write our stories, He brings a better outcome than we could have imagined. It may look different than expected, but He always gives us something good.

Sometimes transitions are tough. They might make us wiggle and squirm! But change and growth are always worth it. We don’t have to be afraid.

God is trustworthy and faithful. He has a special purpose for each of us and will never let us down! Now that’s something to smile about!

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Heavenly Father, thanks that Your burden is easy and Your yoke is light. Thanks for doing the most difficult work on our behalf. Help us trust You more and follow Your lead. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: What is something that you need to let go? Do you need to change your mindset or adopt a better attitude? What about changing your schedule or trying something new?

Tasks: Don’t be afraid of change. Let go of anything that is holding you back. God’s grace is more than enough.

Posted on in Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Perseverance, Prayer, Wisdom

You’re Gonna Get Wet

We’ve had some rainy weather this week, which is certainly not unusual for spring. Can you say, “green grass?!” Thankfully, the rest of the week is supposed to be mostly sunny. The sun did come out today, proving rainy days don’t last forever!

Nonetheless, yesterday, it was sprinkling all morning. I needed to mail a little package, but I also needed to drop off Lydia at daycare (nowhere near a post office).

I usually try to fit quick errands in either before work or after, depending on the timing. Often, I plan ahead, but yesterday, I only had a few minutes to spare.

I didn’t want to be late for work, so I looked at the forecast and my weather radar app. As I tried to decide if mailing my package could wait until later, a thought occurred to me. 

“Either way, you’re gonna get wet.”

The forecast was cloudy and rainy all day. So my choice was really between if I should go when it was sprinkling or wait, hoping it would not be downpouring later.

The odds were not in my favor.

In the end, I decided I was cutting it too close and waited until after work to run to the grocery store, which conveniently has a little post office, too. 

Thankfully, the weather was still only sprinkling! It worked out well, and I was able to pick up a few other groceries before getting Lydia at daycare.

In life, we face many storms (real and metaphorical). It is inevitable that at some point, we’re gonna get wet. Many storms pop up out of nowhere. 

Yet, sometimes storms are related to consequences for poor choices. Sometimes we can look ahead and see what’s coming. In those instances, we may be able to avoid the storm altogether. But not always.

Although it is nice to stay warm, dry, and well, comfortable, it is not possible to always avoid storms. However, we can still be prepared.

We can review the forecast and radar. We can keep an umbrella in our car. We can stock up on a few key supplies (like water and flashlights, not toilet paper!). We can use wisdom.

We can also pray ahead of time, asking God for help. He alone knows what is coming and will lead us in our preparations. But, we have to be willing to make adjustments accordingly. He will never lead us astray!

Often, our attitude will determine how we come through the storm. Yes, we can make up our minds ahead of time–set our attitude–for how we will handle getting wet.

It is unrealistic to think we will never have to deal with life’s storms. We are going to get wet, so we might as well make the best of it! Let’s splash in the puddles!

We can hopefully prevent some of the pain storms bring, but it is even wiser to check our attitude and trust God. Jesus said we would have troubles. But, He is faithful.

Jesus is both above the chaos and with us in it. He can bring peace and help in any storm.

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Heavenly Father, thanks for bringing the rain and using it to provide new life. Help us make wise decisions and have a good attitude. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you like thunderstorms? Do you have an emergency kit on hand?

Tasks: Read about when Jesus calmed a storm in Mark 4:35-41!

 

Posted on in Being Gracious, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Parenting, Perseverance, Wisdom, Worship

On Beating Boredom

We all know what it feels like to be bored (or in a pandemic, cooped up with nowhere to go). I have previously listed many wonderful options, such as virtual tours of famous cities, zoos, and museums, so will take a different angle today!

During this time, I have not been very bored. But, unlike many people, I have not been ‘stuck’ at home for the last month-and-half. I am thankful I’ve had the opportunity to work!

At home, Lydia and I often talk about being content and making the best of each situation. We probably talk about gratitude just as much as we talk about healthy grieving!

I am so happy Lydia is not a routine complainer. That all makes the difference! 🙂

Yet, in my tenure as a parent, I have periodically heard her say, “Mom, I’m bored. I have nothing to do.” Sure, as an only child, Lydia has no built-in playmates. But she still has loads of art supplies and a fair amount of books and toys.

Awhile back, I read an article (somewhere) about how boredom can lead to creativity. So, I am not worried about Lydia being bored, per se. Instead, I encourage her to do something creative… or I give her a chore to do!

The more she starts to whine, the more I lean toward chores…

Naturally, in terms of personal application, this makes me wonder…

How often do we tell God we are bored or stall in disobedience? How often does our attitude affect how we see what is going on in our lives? How often do we overlook the good and complain about what we still don’t see?

When life is stable, isn’t that a good thing? Still, there have been times, in my life at least (ahem), when I have been tempted to complain. “God, when will my circumstances change? I’m so bored doing the same old thing. Hurry up and do something new!”

But, when we simply change our attitude, it’s amazing how quickly our perspective can change! How about this instead: “God, here I am. I am available. Let me know what You would like me to do. Help me be content.”

Then, suddenly, our eyes are open to what God is doing around us! We start looking for opportunities to serve others and find joy in meeting their needs. Having an outward focus and blessing others is what makes life exciting again!

Reminder: This life is not about me, it’s about loving God and loving others.

Ironically, at other times, we can grow so comfortable in our own little bubble, that we don’t appreciate or enjoy when God shakes things up or challenges our security.

How fickle we can be! I’m sure grateful for God’s mercy, grace, and patience!

Lydia and I were recently discussing the concept of ‘beating boredom.’ We decided instead of saying, “I’m bored, I have nothing to do,” we should say, “Well, I have a lot of time right now.  Is there someone who needs help? What can I do?”

Just that little switch helps us recognize the gift of time, which is from God. May we use our time wisely and not waste it with grumbling and complaining!

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God, thanks for the gift of TIME. Thanks for giving us so many resources and creativity. Help us use all of our gifts and talents to bless others and bring You glory. Make us aware when we start to complain or take it all for granted. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: How are you doing this week? Are you bored or do you have plenty to do? Either way, how can you bless someone else?

Task: Next time you are bored, consider how best to use your time. Sure, you can learn a new skill or clean out a closet, but perhaps you can find a way to help someone else!

 

 

 

Posted on in Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Miscellaneous, Perseverance, Prayer, Wisdom

On Compromise

Hello! How are you holding up this week?!

So far, Lydia and I are doing well. We had a peaceful holiday weekend and then hit the ground running on Monday. Suddenly, I had about fourteen emails, calls, texts, and social media requests to attend to (after work, homework, an online meeting, a hangry meltdown, dinner, and an impromptu phone call).

Every day can be so different. A global pandemic doesn’t help! Whether you are staying home every day, or are able to still go to work, we each have complex circumstances.

Let’s extend each other an extra measure of grace.

In many ways, I have had to let go of what other people think and attend to what’s in front of me. Some things are more relaxed, but as always, I still have a lot to do. So do you! 🙂

Of course, anything worth having or doing takes intention. I look forward to warmer weather and hopefully, the ability to reconnect with people in person. Until then, I have been keeping in touch via texts, calls, and video chats. I’m grateful for technology!

And, I know it is important to pick my battles. Crisis or not.

One key to coping well is learning to adapt. For example, I’ve had to change my route to work about four times in the last six weeks. I have reframed my (now longer) morning drive, and I am choosing to view it as taking the scenic route.

Another key to successful coping is compromise. That may include setting aside certain projects or tasks in order to focus on your family’s needs. Compromise may mean preserving your sanity by taking a break from social media or even the news. It may include setting boundaries in relationships or taking time to regroup. Or, maybe it’s serving others and going all in. There is give and take, and that looks different for each of us.

One important note, however: We cannot compromise regarding what God is calling us to do. We cannot compromise our values or integrity. We cannot compromise faith or obedience. We cannot give up holy ground.

I am NOT talking about our rights as citizens or church-goers. We absolutely need to follow the law and health recommendations. This is not the time to push an agenda.

During this time, we all should lay down our own goals, plans, and desires for the good of all. Stay home. Wash your hands. Wear a mask. Keep social distance. Yes.

What I am talking about how it is easy to let important matters slide under stress. It is easy to give up or make excuses when times get rough. I have heard of many people making decisions lately, without thinking about the long-term consequences.

People have been cutting their bangs, taking money from retirement accounts, turning to bad habits, and accepting less than they deserve. The long-term impacts could be financial, relational, or yet unseen.

I don’t know all these people personally, or the various factors and circumstances they are facing. I am merely using these points as examples. But I do know that God understands each person’s situation. He cares deeply and is ready to help!

Sure, desperate times call for desperate measures. Maybe you are totally confident cutting your bangs. Or, maybe you have a specific plan for using your retirement money. Awesome!

But, let’s not forget Who is fighting for us. We do not HAVE to be afraid or make fear-based choices. Trust Jesus!

We are not left on our own to fend for ourselves. God is on our side. He is for us and promises to provide for us! When we bring him our weaknesses, He will give us His strength.

In times of distress or despair, pause and consider what is at stake. We cannot afford to just get by! Instead, we need to stand firm and seek God’s input.

We can’t see the future, yet He knows the end from the beginning. He’s already there!

We can trust God fully. Crisis or not, He never compromises. He does lead us with mercy and grace. And if we let Him, He will get us where we need to be. No doubt.

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Father God, thanks for Your peace and provision. Thanks that we don’t have to live in fear. You are so good to us. Help us trust You with our decisions, our finances, our health, and our relationships. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you find it easy or challenging to trust God? Is there one area that is more difficult than another?

Tasks: Bring all your concerns to Jesus. Before making a big decision, check-in with Him first. He may give you the green light to go ahead, or He may surprise you with a different (better) answer. He loves to bless us!

Posted on in Being Gracious, Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Perseverance, Wisdom

Strong, Resilient, and Capable

Happy April Fools Day!! Can you believe it’s April already?

This day can be fun for many people, as they play hilarious pranks on their friends.

But maybe today feels like a cruel joke. Social distancing has a way of making us feel isolated and alone. I’m sure we’ve all had moments of doubt and questioning lately.

What is going to happen? What if someone I love gets sick? Will we be okay? 

Much of what we are collectively feeling is grief. Lydia and I talk about grief often, so we are fairly familiar with the concept of loss. It’s not a far stretch for us… But, that doesn’t mean it is easy or comfortable.

Perhaps you have feelings of loss or missing out. Not to mention sadness, uncertainty, and possible despair. Grief is not just about death. It’s about learning to make adjustments. 

This sense of grief is totally normal, but now is the perfect time to make lemonade.

Earlier this week, I read some words of encouragement from someone at work. These words stood out to me: IMPROVISE. ADAPT. OVERCOME.

We have a choice to make: We can try to make it on our own, or we can ask God to help.

The truth is, only Jesus can give us the fortitude to make the best of the situation. Only He can bring something good from overwhelming evil and pain. He alone is the source of all wisdom. His Name is Power!

Only He can teach us how to improvise, adapt, and overcome.

If you are alive today, you come from a long line of survivors. Our ancestors had their own share of problems. Most recently, they dealt with the Spanish Flu, the Great Depression, and two World Wars. Sure, maybe they were afraid, but they pushed through, made sacrifices, and did what was needed. And so, here we are.

Strong. Resilient. Capable.

Overall, Lydia and I are adjusting well. I am still working and sending Lydia to daycare. We are saving some time each day by not running errands or driving to activities, but we are still involved remotely. Oddly enough, we really haven’t had much downtime!

Lydia starts online school today. There will be some challenges, but I know she will do well. I’m grateful for her teacher, our school district, and all those working behind the scenes!

I feel our personal grief experiences have served us well over the years. Here are a few takeaways I have learned that may help you.

First, lean on the Lord as if your life depends on it. Give yourself credit for what is going well. Celebrate wins, no matter what size. And, finally, this will not last forever.

Be strong. Be courageous. Remember God is with you and for you!

Grief looks different for everyone. Sure, there may be similarities or patterns, but each of us copes in unique ways. There is no right way to get through something painful.

Yet, as long as we don’t give up, we will get through it together! Let’s cheer each other on! God’s got this. With Him, nothing is impossible! 

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Father God, thanks for being our refuge and hiding place. Thanks for giving us Your strength! Please protect us and help us trust You more. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: How has social distancing affected you? Has it been difficult or are you glad for the ‘break’? How can you encourage your family, friends, neighbors, and community?

Task: Fear is a normal reaction, but we don’t have to let it run our lives. When you feel afraid, challenge those thoughts and feelings with God’s Word!

 

Posted on in Journey of Grace, Miscellaneous, Perfectionism, Perseverance, Prayer

Mountain Mover

I sure am grateful for Jesus! I appreciate how His faithfulness and reliability. He always makes a way for us. He always comes through!

Thanks, Lord, for your unfailing love!

Yesterday morning, I woke up thinking about my day and all that I needed to do. I also thought about upcoming plans and events that I need to prepare for (at work, home, church, Lydia’s school and daycare, etc). Each day is a little different, of course.

No big deal, just some loose ends. All that is fairly normal, but I felt overwhelmed. So, I did the best thing I could do. I prayed! In the early morning, I try to keep it simple.

Often, this looks like, “God, I really can’t do this on my own. I have no idea how I am going to accomplish all of this. But You do. I really need Your help! Can you please…??” 

The ellipses above may be filled in with any of several phrases:

–help this person get back to me     –help that person be available

–help that patient come early     –help the timing because I don’t have much margin

–help me to remember that later     –help me finish this task

After I prayed for God’s help, I decided to take my day head-on, trusting Him to come through for me. Soon, it became fun to see how it all worked out!

I ate a good breakfast and got in some exercise before work. Woohoo! I felt good mentally and physically, and those endorphins carried through the day. Then, I heard a great song on the radio! By God’s grace, the rest of my day went smoothly, too.

I had a lighter day at work, but still had a lot going on. One patient came early, which gave me some time before my next patient. 🙂 I was also able to take another patient to help a coworker, and I caught up on other tasks (will do more today). I managed to do everything assigned to me, but God “rearranged” my schedule!

Also, I made a little progress on some plans and goals at home.

Later, I reflected on all of the above. In a brief moment of insecurity, I wondered, “What is going on? Have I lost my game?! I used to have more balance and was really good at x, y, and z.” Then, it hit me!

I realized that while most of these random issues are common, my circumstances have changed dramatically over the years.

How I dealt with things in the past versus now has changed accordingly. I am still ‘competent,’ but years ago, I had more flexibility in my schedule, more help, and more brainpower to put toward all these random issues. HA!!

Now, I am a single mom and homeowner with no family nearby. It’s safe to say I have different priorities, though ongoing stress and inadequate sleep doesn’t help. 😉

The song I heard on the radio, “Believer,” by Rhett Walker, is about how God works in us.

“I am a mountain mover, water walker
More than just an overcomer ‘Cause I’ve been set free.”

It’s a fun, catchy song, but for me, God is my power source! I can’t do anything good on my own, but He is the ultimate mountain mover! He also redirects me all throughout the day. Sometimes, He moves the mountain, and sometimes, He moves me!

I give God my many weaknesses, and He gives me His strength. Nothing stands in His way! Similarly, you don’t have fear or worry, either.

God is the Eternal Rock! He’s got us covered!

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God, thanks for all You do for me. Thanks for being so trustworthy and for empowering me to live for You. Help me listen and obey; I don’t want to do this alone. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you remember to ask God for help every day? Before your problems arise?! 🙂

Tasks: Put your faith in Jesus, and don’t try to solve your problems on your own! Listen to the song, “Believer,” by Rhett Walker.

 

Posted on in Being Gracious, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Perseverance, Prayer, Wisdom

A Little Stretched

Recently, on my personal Facebook page, a memory popped up from two years ago.

Here is what it said:

Tonight, I was preparing for the week ahead, prepping meals and doing dishes, while hoping to watch the Olympics. Lydia, already relaxed and watching the Olympics, asked me for an after-dinner snack when I hadn’t even eaten my dinner yet…

I was a little short with her. Here is our conversation as I came upstairs with an armful of laundry.

L: Mom, you look a little stretched.
Me, with a sigh: What do you mean, Lydia?
L: Hold on, I’ll be right back!

L, seconds later: Here, you can use this! I like to squeeze it when I am stretched.

The emoji stress ball was a perfect reminder not to be so serious…and so sweet of Lydia to encourage and help me. The fact that she picked up on my mood without actually understanding the reasons made me laugh! I’m so thankful for her!

I thought it was funny that Lydia replaced the word stressed with stretched. Yet, it was totally applicable in that context. I also appreciated her thoughtfulness and compassion.

And yes, the laughing-to-the-point-of-tears emoji ball makes me smile even now.

But maybe today, you are feeling a little stretched. Perhaps your schedule is pushed to the limit and you can’t simply laugh it off. Remember: God’s got this.

Let God have your worries, and take on His perspective instead. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. He loves you with an everlasting love. He’s got it.

You may not know how it all works out, but God’s got you covered. Rest in His grace.

I hope this post brightens your day, and that you find something to smile or laugh about today. Take time to pray, destress, and relax. Take the scenic route when possible. 

Life is too short to always be a little stretched.

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Heavenly Father, thanks for being our Victory! When we feel stressed or stretched thin, help us turn to You. Let us rest in Your grace, knowing You’ve got us covered. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: What would it mean for you to give your worries, stress, and schedule to God?

Tasks: Life is an adventure! Cast all your cares on Jesus, for He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). Listen to the song, “You got this” by Love and the Outcome.

 

 

Posted on in Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Perseverance, Prayer, Wisdom, Worship

Steady Me Now

Whenever I see a word repeatedly popping up in everyday life, I take notice.

Lately, that word is anchor.

Maybe it started when I watched a random movie that took place on a cruise ship. 🙂

Or, maybe it was because I was reviewing some old blog posts!

Here’s one. Here’s another. And another.

At any rate, I have been listening to the song, “Anchor,” by Skillet, on repeat.

I keep singing part of the chorus over and over: “You are my anchor, So steady me, steady me now.”  I have even caught myself humming it in public!

You know, it’s a little more inconspicuous that way… 😉

In Christ Jesus, we have “hope as an anchor for the soul, strong and secure” (from Hebrews. 6:19, NIV). He provides safety, security, and grounding in any storm.

Jesus also prevents us from moving off course. We are wise to cling to Him like the anchor He is. There are many types of storms and vessels and missions, but Jesus is more than enough to meet every need! Trust Him!

That begs the question: To what or whom are you anchored?

Are you anchored to Jesus, or are you stuck on other people’s expectations and opinions? What holds your attention? Do you look to the Prince of Peace or to your problems?

We all face external challenges and internal troubles. Outside forces are often beyond our control, but sometimes we try to control them. Internally, the mind can be quite subtle. Both have unique risks and dangers, and both can be difficult to navigate.

It seems there are two ways we can anchor or attach ourselves to something. Although they may appear similar at first glance, only one is stable. One means we do all the work ourselves, while the other brings rest, peace, power, and protection. 

We can clasp onto an idea or person or object with stubbornness and pride. This means I am doing life solo and in my own strength. I have all the answers, so I don’t need any outside help or input. Unfortunately, when I fasten myself, the chain quickly becomes binding and I am trapped. I am no match for life’s challenges on my own.

Or, we can cling to Jesus with steadfastness and humility. This means He holds me tight as I wait for Him to lead me. I seek His input first and refuse to move until I hear from Him. Relying on the Lord takes patience… because I can’t chart my own course successfully.

It is important to evaluate your position while life is still calm. A storm leaves no time to figure out how to use an anchor! Don’t leave yourself at risk. Come to Jesus right now!

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Dear Jesus, thanks for being my Anchor! You are strong and secure. Thanks for Your protection. Help me rest and wait for You. In Your Name, Amen

Questions: How firm is your anchor, or whatever you are depending upon? Will it hold fast in the next storm? How can you be sure?

Tasks: If you’re clinging to anything other than Jesus Christ, now is your opportunity to let go and grab onto Him like your life depends on it. (It does!) And, listen to this song!

 

 

Posted on in Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Parenting, Perseverance, Worship

Looking Back and Moving Forward

Welcome to 2020!! Wow, that has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?!

Recently on social media, people were having a ‘decade challenge’ where they posted a picture of themselves in 2009 and 2019. It was cool to see how many people have stayed the same and/or changed.

I didn’t post any pictures, in part because I couldn’t find any pictures of me from 2009 without a lot of effort. Hey, it’s been ten years! 😉

Nonetheless, I have certainly been thinking about all that has happened in the last decade. After all, hindsight is 20/20. 😉 It is important to remember all the things we’ve been through. Not because we should stay there, but so we can learn and grow past them.

Here is a brief recap of my last decade. I’m looking back while still moving forward. Also, I did find a picture of me with Dave right before we moved to North Dakota in early 2010. Close enough! 🙂

2009: Dave and I celebrated one year of marriage. We also went through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University. The wise principles we learned through this course put us on the same page in our marriage by giving us common goals and helping us communicate better. Only God could know what was coming next, and I’m extremely grateful for the impact that course had on both our finances and our marriage.

2010: With my support, Dave decided to apply for a job in West Fargo, North Dakota, with Caterpillar. He was hired almost immediately, and that set the stage for the biggest challenges of our lives. We felt God was calling us to a big adventure, though had we known what that entailed, perhaps we would have stayed put. Still, we moved twelve hours away from our family and friends and soon settled into our brand new home and community. Dave had so much fun using his snowblower to clear several feet of snow that year!

2011: The highlights here include meeting many new neighbors and friends at church. However, it was difficult to be far from family, and we had to miss several fun events. Later that year, Dave and I celebrated Lydia Ruth’s arrival. She was named after my grandmother, who died the year before. I will never forget the pure joy on Dave’s face when Lydia was born. He was so very proud to be her Daddy!

2012: One afternoon in early May 2012, Dave came home from work early and stayed in bed for a week. He felt sick and had no energy. I could hear his stomach making sounds from over ten feet away. On Mother’s Day, I took him to the ER and he was admitted. We soon found out he had Stage IV colon cancer. Lydia was not quite six months old. We spent the rest of the year going through chemo and two major surgeries. Through this, God used cancer to expose my deepest fears and challenge my faith. It was grueling, as you can imagine, but Dave’s positive attitude will always stand out in my mind.

2013: A very difficult year. Dave continued to decline and was in the hospital more than he was at home. He had a third major surgery in April. My faith was in crisis mode. At first, he rebounded, thanks to the amazing support of our loving family and friends. But on May 15th, 2013, Dave died at the age of 34 and my life as a widowed single mom began. I was 30 years old. Even in the midst of shock and immense heartache, I knew I needed to give myself time to properly grieve. By this point, all I could do was cling to Jesus. Whereas cancer rocked my faith, grief is where my faith was remade. I’m grateful God caught me and held me through it all.

2014: Dave and I had previously tried to dedicate Lydia at church, but each time, he had been too sick. So, in May 2014 (around the one-year anniversary of his death), I decided to do it on my own. For me, it was a huge step forward because it was scary to stand in front of everyone as a single mom. But, in terms of faith, it felt like I needed to draw a line in the sand and make a stand. For me, it was a Joshua 24:15 moment: “But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”

2015: I continued to work through various aspects of grief. (That could be said about every year since!) In May 2015, I decided to start blogging to mark our path of moving forward and finding God’s grace along the way. For months, I worked behind the scenes to learn the system and prepare. It took me a little while to find the courage to ‘put myself out there,’ but I finally went live in August. I’m so glad I did!

2016: Lydia began preschool in the fall. I wasn’t sure of where to send her, but God lead me to just the right place. Lydia’s teachers really connected well with her, and it was fun to see how she grew that year. Also, Lydia felt comfortable to start talking more about Dave to her teachers and little friends. I was concerned about this at first, but her teachers wisely and graciously helped us through that. They gave Lydia all the time, space, and resources to explain herself and come to terms with the loss in her own little way. I’m forever grateful and we have continued to roll with it as best we can.

2017: A year of transition. The company I worked for was bought out by a larger healthcare organization. My job was merged into the new system. It was scary, but I am glad I stuck it out. During this time, I also had a friend stay with us for six months while she got back on her feet. It was a fun time and our friendship grew stronger. That fall, Lydia started Kindergarten. It felt like a huge milestone!

2018: My parents moved to Florida in the spring. It was a little sad for me, but I am happy they have adjusted so well! We went to visit them during Lydia’s birthday and had a great time. Among other fun adventures, Lydia also started first grade. Our most stable year!

2019: Yet another transitional year. In February, I contacted a dietitian friend and talked with her about something related to Dave. Then, summer came and she contacted me about a new job! I had prayerfully felt something new was coming, and I am so glad I decided to apply. I have been there since August and it has been a huge blessing to me. There have been challenges in terms of daycare and other adjustments, but I am really grateful for the opportunity.

So what’s next? Well, only God knows. 🙂 But as I look back over the years, I see one transition after another. Yes, growth means changing through the ups and downs.

A good attitude always helps as we trust God to turn each problem into something good. I am looking forward to seeing His faithfulness as we continue on this great adventure.

“You’ve been so, so good to me. You’ve been so, so good to me. Oh, to think where I would be, if not for You, if not for You.” —Remembrance by Hillsong Worship

Despite my many challenges over the last ten years, God has never left me on my own. Each step of the way, He has helped me. I didn’t always understand how He was working, but I can see it now. And, I am grateful for His grace and goodness toward me.

I don’t know what your last decade entailed, but I hope you can see how God came through for you. He has not forgotten you. He fights for you and loves you very much!

Our Victory is in Jesus!

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God, be praised! We cannot thank You enough for all You have done for us. As we look back and see Your faithfulness, please build our trust. Give us the courage to keep moving forward, knowing You will lead us and catch us when we fall. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: What challenges and victories have you faced over the last year…or ten? Can you see God’s hand in your circumstances, working them out for good?

Tasks: Write down the challenges you faced and the coinciding victories. Then, give God praise. If you haven’t seen anything good just yet, hang on! It’s coming!

Posted on in Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Miscellaneous, Perfectionism, Perseverance, Personality, Prayer, Wisdom, Worship

The Beauty of Fractals

Recently, I requested and received feedback for a project I’ve been working on. My project was reviewed, and in due time, I was told it is “middling.”

Mediocre, so-so, and average are synonyms for this word. Perhaps the feedback was meant as constructive criticism, but at the time, it really hurt.

It’s not that I disagreed. I intentionally try to keep things simple! I purposely try to ‘make plain’ difficult concepts and help people understand so they can take effective action.

So, to help me deal with my initial reaction, I prayed about it. Thankfully, I realized one person doesn’t have the final say on my project. There are several other factors to consider. 

I shouldn’t disregard the feedback entirely, and I do need to make some changes. But regardless of what happens, I shouldn’t stress about other people’s expectations.

I will do my best, but I don’t need to impress people by ‘glamorizing’ my project. It’s just not who I am. In fact, I often get lost in the details and suspect many others do, too.

I have decided if my project brings me joy, that is a good indicator I am on the right track. I believe God is pleased with my project, and my joy is just as important as my effort.

Around the same time, I learned more about another topic, called “fractal geometry.” This is the real-world application of mathematic principles.

For instance, there are formulas to calculate how much space comprises a cone or pyramid. Traditional geometry works great in theory, but a mountain is not a true cone or pyramid. It has crags and is otherwise ‘misshapen.’ 

Thus, fractal geometry allows us to adjust and use the information to meet our needs. There is much beauty in the asymmetry and imperfection of fractals.

Every coastline has nonlinear jags and is constantly changing thanks to erosion. Also, tree bark is not an exact sphere, and neither branches nor leaves are spaced evenly. In fact, each tree species has its own special pattern that defies theoretical calculations.

Snowflakes, rivers, and blood vessels have fractal qualities, too. So do we!

God has designed us each uniquely. Thus, we really can’t compare one of us to another.

Each of us was designed by God to live for Him and bring Him praise. But each of us does that differently. Even if we sing the same song, our voices are different. And, the gratitude with which we sing is also unique to the challenges we have faced.

Together, my small group ladies read the YouVersion devotional called, “Double Blessing.” It is based on the new book by Mark Batterson. The author mentioned the complexity of fractals and something called a Mandelbrot set.

Mr. Batterson also explained how in Lamentations 3:22-23, it says God’s mercies are new every morning, but that word “new” also implies “different” mercies. There are no repeats. God always matches His mercies to our individual circumstances and obstacles.

Even if we do similar things every day, the pattern is always slightly different. God meets us there and provides His mercy and grace in just the right amount. No two days or experiences are exactly alike. Isn’t that amazing?!

I don’t know what your circumstances are today. I hope everything is going well for you, but even if it’s not, I pray you will trust in God’s mercies.

Perhaps, like me, you have been told you aren’t good at something. But that doesn’t mean you are good at nothing. If God has called you to do something for Him, He will provide the ideas, skills, resources, and perfect timing. Trust Him!

That doesn’t mean everything will come easy to you. If it’s worth doing, it will likely take hard work, diligence, and perseverance. But, God will help you and give you the ability!

God has a good, specially-designed purpose for you! Of course, Life is full of random expectations and hoops to jump through, but you don’t have to live for other people’s feedback. Sift through what is necessary and adjust your own expectations. Then, walk in your God-given strengths and trust Him to cover Your weaknesses. He is faithful!

As long as you are doing your best, don’t worry about proving yourself. Just follow Jesus, and He will take care of the rest. He will empower you to walk in His plan.

Remember, God’s mercies are both new and different every day. There is always enough time and grace to live for Him. His love never fails!

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Heavenly Father, I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made! Please help me live for your approval only. Help me wisely discern the feedback I receive. Help me walk the unique path You have designed for me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: How can you praise God in a way no one else can? Does the concept of fractals change anything for you?

Tasks: Start looking for ‘fractals’ in everyday life! They are all around us! Praise God for all the ways He works in your life. Write down how He has been faithful to you!