Tag: communication

Posted on in Gratitude, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Pivot, Travel, Wisdom

A Homecoming

There is something about home that makes you feel safe, like all is right in the world. Amid grief and loss, the familiar environment and the presence of family bring comfort. Shared memories bring healing and laughter, too!

Driving from North Dakota to Illinois always gives me time to reflect. God has used those long country miles to refine my heart over the years! Typically, each landmark I pass reminds me of my college days at NIU or further back to my youth, much of which involved my Aunt Deb. As we mourn for her this week, I can trace a pattern of blessing through her life.

Aunt Deb had a big smile and loved to laugh. She loved bright colors, flowers, music, cooking, and hospitality. She had experienced grief and loss, so she knew how to help bring God’s comfort to others. She loved serving and using her gifts.

Free Flower Tulip photo and picture

I will never forget Aunt Deb’s prayers and support for us after Dave died. She was a diligent reader of my blog, and most weeks, she sent me an encouraging word, like, or comment. It always made my day to hear from her, and I will really miss that.

While no one is perfect, God is always faithful to complete His works in our lives. Aunt Deb and my mom had a complicated relationship for over thirty years. They both have passionate personalities, in addition to having the same first and last names (since they married brothers). You can imagine how that was with small-town gossip!

Well, God graciously did a miracle in both of their hearts. He orchestrated circumstances so that Mom and Aunt Deb were each ready to give up their anger and forgive around the same time. They finally could see each other’s strengths as positive. Then, over the next two decades, they became close friends and prayer partners.

Their relationship shows what God can do when we submit to Him.

Provided by Business Website

While we are experiencing the shock of loss (all is not right) on this side of Heaven, I do know this: Jesus conquered Death and is making all things right and new. Furthermore, Aunt Deb was ready. She was prepared for eternity, knowing there are no guarantees of tomorrow. Aunt Deb wisely built her life on the Rock, and now she is truly Home.

The funeral was held at the local Catholic church (pictured above). I was not raised Catholic but spent plenty of time there for various events. These included midnight masses with my grandparents at Christmas and many potlucks in the basement (church bazaars and funerals alike). And let me tell you, that old church basement looks exactly the same!

Yes, the last several days have been emotional, but being with family has been a balm. I also loved seeing so many friends, including former classmates and teachers. 

Even though my family lives across many time zones now, we always have each other. We shared pizza, pool time, car rides, stories, laughter and tears. It was good to be home.

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Heavenly Father, thanks for the gift of family and doing life together. Thanks for Your Presence when we go through loss and grief. Help us feel Your comfort and perfect peace during this time. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Is your first response to draw near to God or turn away in difficult times? What is He saying to you about this? Have you put your faith in Jesus yet? (Today is the day of salvation! Make sure you are prepared for eternity. Let Jesus give you a new heart.)

Tasks: Reach out to your family and tell them you love them. Spend time together as often as possible. Consider starting a group chat via text or a weekly Zoom meeting to check in!

Posted on in Being Gracious, Kindness, Miscellaneous, Parenting, Wisdom, Words

Wise As Serpents, Harmless As Doves

Lydia and I had yet another timely conversation last night. She was talking to two friends online who have not been getting along. It sounds like one friend was ready to extend an olive branch. Yet, Lydia unknowingly was trying to play interference. 

I overheard her talking to the other friend and asked her, “What are you talking about? Don’t get in the middle of their issues, and don’t write anything you will regret.”

Did she listen?

Not quite…

While Lydia didn’t write anything mean or spiteful, the tone of her words didn’t sound quite right and could have been misinterpreted since we can’t always deduce tone of voice online. Not thinking it through, she just wrote what came to her mind. The other friend grew suspicious that Lydia was playing both sides, though she was trying to help.

Lydia’s little folly lost her tech privileges the rest of the night. Mostly, I needed her to take a pause. Thankfully, both friends easily let it go, but it could have blown up quickly.

Really, I don’t think Lydia understood what I meant, so I used her confusion as a teaching moment. I searched for the verse below and then found this video. We watched it together and discussed it.

I explained that we are to be wise yet peaceable with people. We are to influence the world but not get caught up in the drama. We can help people, but we have to let them learn and navigate their own path sometimes. 

We are called to love, but that doesn’t mean we are to be pushovers. We are called to stand up for others, but not pull them out of every pickle.

I gave Lydia a few personal examples of two sides telling me ‘all their problems.’ I never share personal details or provide a ‘he said, she said’ to the other party. Instead, I encourage them to talk it out. I pay attention to subtleties and nuances of body language. I read between the lines, so to speak! 

I can provide a look into the other person’s perspective, but filter it through a lens of grace. I coach them to offer the benefit of the doubt and help them understand the other side. But, it is always up to them whether they work it out or not.

As such, people recognize that I am a good listener, observant and trustworthy. I try not to be judgemental but provide a rounded view of both sides.

In the verse above, Jesus used a simile. He didn’t mean we should be dishonest or try to deceive people. He meant we should be aware and be prepared… lead with love, but don’t be stupid or naive. 

Ultimately, we need to understand the impact of our actions, and how they can pull people closer to Jesus or repel them. In some ways, it’s a matter of great responsibility!

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God, thanks for the lessons You teach us! Help us walk wisely and peacefully as we share Your love and grace with others. Help us do what is right. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you listen with wise and peaceable intent, or do you try to stir the pot?

Task: Pray about this topic and THINK: Is it True? Is it Helpful? Is it Inspiring? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind? If not, keep it to yourself!

Posted on in Being Gracious, Miscellaneous, Parenting, Words

Lessons in Miscommunication

On Monday night, Lydia and I started a movie that was based on Malta, an island in the Mediterranean. She had never heard of this before, so I had her look it up online. We found the flag and other pertinent details about the country.

I also told her that’s where (the Apostle) Paul was shipwrecked on his way to be tried in Rome. He was bitten by a poisonous snake, and the natives were surprised when he was unharmed. Paul was invited to winter there, and he healed several people and discussed Jesus with those in charge. (See Acts 27-28)

So, last night, we went to the store and bought blueberries, among other items. At home, Lydia noticed they were from Chile and asked where that is.

L: Is that near Italy?

N: No, Chile is in South America. Italy is in the Mediterranean… Oh, let’s finish that movie tonight, if we can.

L: Ok, sure! Was Paul born in Italy?

N: No, he was born in Tarsus (modern day Turkey?). He was a Roman citizen, but he was also Jewish, from the tribe of Benjamin. He ended up in Jerusalem and persecuted those who first believed in Jesus. But, then he had a lifechanging encounter with Jesus! 🤓

L: Oh, so does that mean Aunt Livi is Jewish?

N: 🤔 … ??  Oh! I thought you meant the Apostle Paul because we were talking about the Mediterranean! But, you were talking about Uncle Paul. No, his family is Italian, but he was born in the US. And, no, he’s not Jewish and neither is Aunt Livi!

L, cracking up: Mom!! Oh my gosh!

Ah, lessons in communication… or is that miscommunication?! 😆

Perhaps I went a little overkill with Lydia. But, I try to take advantage of all the opportunities I can! Plus, I sincerely thought we were on the same page!

Lydia and I laughed so much at how one thing lead to another. Though, I wonder how many times we make assumptions about someone means. This example is funny, but sometimes, there is more at stake!

This was a good reminder for me to make sure to pay attention to what Lydia is saying and what she actually wants to know. I don’t need to overexplain, and I don’t want to be insensitive to her needs. It pays to pause and listen!

If anything, we can take a cue from the Apostle Paul. We can speak up and speak clearly, pointing people back to Jesus. While I may not always do it perfectly, I am grateful He already knows what’s on my heart and mind. May we use our words to bring glory to God, trusting He will give us the right words when we need them.

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God, thanks for always communicating Your love for us clearly. Thanks for making Your love personal to each of us. Thanks for listening and leading us every day. May we listen and understand Your heart so we can translate that to others. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Question: Do you have a funny story of miscommunication?

Tasks: Tell me your favorite (funny) story of miscommunication… bonus points if it is with a kid! Remember to pause periodically to make sure you are communicating correctly.