Confession: I tend to run imaginary conversations between myself and people I know. Do you do that, sort of play both sides of a conversation?! I believe it is called self-talk and is part of emotional regulation. I may replay a funny scenario or practice a speech. If I am upset, I may think I am right and the other person is wrong… and tell them all the reasons why. LOL, that may be the only time I win the argument!
Lately, though, I have had more angry conversations (in my mind) with people who annoy me or who are far from Jesus. One person I know is making poor life decisions without considering the consequences; one has a hard heart towards Jesus; and another is basically a zealous conspiracy theorist. In real life, I try to separate myself from them when I can since they are difficult to be around. But, in my imagination, I can “give them a piece of my mind” and tell them “everything they are doing wrong.” Yikes!
Maybe I am just weird, but I think it is fairly healthy to ‘hash it out’ in my mind’s eye. This saves me from not ruining the actual relationship or saying something I can’t take back. And maybe, on some level, it helps me rehearse better things to say if I ever have the chance. Though, at this point, it is probably better if I stay silent!
Still, I have to constantly check my heart and hold it up against God’s holiness. In doing so, I see my negativity and sin is no better than the others’ around me. Thus, I have had to catch myself and turn all these emotions over to the Lord. I have asked Him to forgive me my critical spirit, poor attitude, judgmental thoughts, and overall pride. I greatly need God’s mercy and grace and want to extend them to others.
I have also had a lot of worship songs on repeat in my heart and mind. “Change my heart, O God” is one of them. When I open my heart to the Lord, I am fully aware of how I fall short of His glory. I could feel like a failure but there is no condemnation for those of us who know Jesus personally. He even died for all the ugly stuff evident when I “talk to myself.”
As I draw closer to the Lord, He refines me and changes me to be more like Him. He shows me when to be silent and when to speak. Jesus is the ultimate Judge and His timing is best. While He does the heavy work, I also have the responsibility to pray, fast, set a good example, and put forth His perfect agenda and Truth.
2 Corinthians 10:5 says, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” I must prioritize Jesus ways, and not let myself get in the way.
Indeed, we must let the Lord work in our hearts and minds, if we are to honor Him in all we do and lead with love. While I’ll still probably keep talking to myself, I want to make sure to talk to the matchless God of the Universe about these things, too. He loves me and fully understands my concerns. But I need to stay in step with Him and trust Him!
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Heavenly Father, I’m sorry for my poor attitude. Thanks for your forgiveness and for changing me from the inside out. Don’t let me miss out on all the good things You have in store for me! In Jesus’ Name, Amen
Questions: How do you handle ugly emotions toward others or about life in general? What is your next step after reading this today?
Task: Next time you notice you have a bad attitude, stop and check it. Bring it to Jesus and humbly submit it to Him. Let Him show you what to do about it! Also, don’t overlook the power of prayer and fasting for these difficult issues.
