Book Review: When God Doesn’t Fix It

Recently, I finished another book that I’d highly recommend to anyone dealing with grief or trying to understand how life has turned out so differently than planned…

The book is called, When God Doesn’t Fix It, by Laura Story. Like the other memoir I reviewed, this book also was published two years ago, but I wasn’t ready for it then. I’m so grateful for God’s healing grace—and for how far He has brought me!

The author is an award-winning singer, songwriter, and worship leader. But twelve years ago, her husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor and underwent a ‘successful’ surgery. However, he now has several deficits including short-term memory problems and loss of peripheral vision. Parts of the story are very funny and other parts are very poignant.

The book has many parallels to my own story, yet both are still unique. Of course, I can relate to the ups and downs of dealing with health issues. When he was sick with cancer, my late-husband, Dave required more care as time went on, but didn’t improve. Life never returned to the way it was.

Ms. Story dispels several myths we believe about God and shows the Truth using Scripture. The Lord always keeps His promises (See 2 Corinthians 1:20)! But often, we place expectations on Him that He never agreed to do for us. Then, we tend to feel betrayed and blame God when He doesn’t come through like we think He should.

Take, for example, the subject of healing. Indeed, Jesus certainly did heal many people. However, as great as that was, physical healing was not His main goal. We see in Luke 19:10 that Jesus came “to seek and to save that which was lost.” Thus, He had a greater purpose in mind than just physical healing…

(The book gives more details and more examples, but I can trust the Lord for greater things in my life too!)

I appreciated that Ms. Story wrote honestly about her faith journey, one that has more questions than answers. She and her family have repeatedly prayed for healing but have had to learn to move forward without the resolution they desire. Her husband’s condition has not improved, but they have chosen to grow through the experience.

Ms. Story didn’t pretend to understand the “why factor.” Instead of demanding God to fix her family’s problems, they are embracing the present journey. They are choosing to praise Jesus and live for Him, becoming better, not bitter.

This book reminds me that we don’t have to have all the answers to walk by faith.

God is SO good!!

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Father God, thanks for all You do for me. Thanks for graciously guiding me and providing for me. Help me to praise You even when I don’t understand my circumstances. Help me to walk in faith! In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: What are your God-sized questions that seem to have no answers? How can you trust Jesus and move forward?

Tasks: Listen to the song, “Blessings,” by Laura Story. If you read her book, When God Doesn’t Fix It, let me know what you think!

Book Review: When Breath Becomes Air

This week I finished a book that has been in my queue for quite some time. The book, When Breath Becomes Air, was published in 2016, but in all honesty, I wasn’t ready for it back then.

Several friends recommended the book, but I didn’t know if I could handle the intensity at the time. I didn’t want to get sucked into another cycle of grief!

Now, however, I am in a much different place. I decided to listen to the audio version, but I do have a copy of the physical book as well. I highly recommend this book!

The book was written by Paul Kalanithi, a neurosurgeon diagnosed with lung cancer in 2013 at the age of 36. He died in March 2015 just before his 38th birthday, and this book tracks his journey from physician to patient.

The story is quite compelling on its own, but even more so because of our own experience with cancer. I was struck by the similarities between this story and ours.

Mr. Kalanithi was on the verge of reaching his career goals—yet was sidetracked with sickness. Like my late husband, Dave, he did his best at work—regardless of how he felt physically. Both men loved their jobs!

The book also discusses how terminal illness can make a marriage and other relationships stronger. That happened to us too. Mr. Kalanithi sought to secure a good future for his wife, Lucy, and infant daughter, who was born while he was sick. He was always thinking about them.

As his death grew nearer, time seemed to slow down for the author. All of his accolades and accomplishments did not matter. He just wanted to soak up time with his wife, little daughter, and other loved ones.

Mr. Kalanithi was particularly close to his family, and I appreciated the fact that they were so supportive. I, too, am grateful for all the support we have received from family and friends!

For much of the book, it was as if I was hearing Dave tell his side of the story. I found it comforting to perhaps understand a little more about how Dave might’ve felt.

The book was different enough from my experiences that I didn’t have a hard time listening. Yet, the last few chapters were quite compelling because the author’s thoughts, feelings, and physical limitations paralleled what I went through with Dave.

Despite the heartbreak, it was reassuring to hear the same types of questions we dealt with regarding chemo, palliative care, and end of life decisions.

I was encouraged to hear Mr. Kalanithi talk about his faith and hope. He knew the risks and statistics about lung cancer but was never hopeless. He wanted to live his life to the fullest and sought purpose and meaning each day.

Both Mr. Kalanithi and Dave were in their mid-thirties when they were diagnosed and died. Mr. Kalanithi had lung cancer and Dave had colon cancer, but both are not as common in younger people. (Though, that may be changing now.)

Both men had young daughters too little to remember their fathers. Cady Kalanthi was 8 months old when her daddy died; Lydia was 17 months old when Dave died. I’m thankful for the legacies these men left behind.

Neither the author nor my late husband spent much time feeling sorry for themselves. They didn’t complain, but were brave and set an example for others!

If you haven’t already read this book, please consider it! It was helpful to remember that my story is not all that unique. Instead of focusing on all I have lost, I can cherish what I do have: Lydia and precious memories.

Praise God, I also have hope and a good future ahead of me (Jeremiah 29:11)! Yes, Life has turned out differently than expected, but Jesus has been so faithful all these years.

He is so good to us!

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Dear God, thanks for taking such good care of me. Thanks for Your protection and provision through life’s ups and downs. Thank You for your grace! I trust You for a good future. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Have you read any good books lately? Do prefer physical books or audiobooks or ebooks?

Tasks: Check out this book! Let me know what you think!

Finding Grace #111

I love giving God a shout out for what He has done. We don’t do that nearly enough!

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week went fast and was filled with activities. It was a full week, but I was able to catch up and finish a couple books, podcast, and webinars. God is so good!

On Thursday, I started reorganizing the pantry and bought some little carts and extra shelves! Today (Saturday) I finished the job while Lydia went to play with the neighbors at their house. It feels good to have a home for everything instead of leaving certain items on the floor!

Thursday was also the day when the remaining snow on my property melted. It was around 56 degrees that day! After school, Lydia played for three hours outside with most of the neighborhood kids. I supervised and also was “it” during three rounds of hide-and-seek. I certainly got in my exercise that day! We had a blast and enjoyed the first round of popsicles for the season.

We had a no-school day on Friday because we had an extra snow day that we didn’t use. Lydia and I relaxed and errands. She played outside before we went to church for a special worship night. She insisted on wearing a little black dress and a pretty floral scarf for the event. I loved that she dressed up for God, but am thankful He loves and accepts us just as we are. We don’t have to impress Him!

Today Lydia and I went to an early spring farmer’s market. Then, we went to a local park and ate lunch on our deck. It was a beautiful day! Later, I finished the pantry project while Lydia played with the neighbors. We joined them for dinner too!

Where did you find God’s grace this week?

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

What Are You Waiting For?

We spend a fair amount of our time waiting. Waiting for the elevator, green light, and next cash register. Waiting for the mail, waiting for our kids to get dressed, and waiting on the phone for technical support.

Whether we’re waiting for answers, waiting for a promotion, or just waiting for Spring, it’s easy to feel discouraged when we don’t see our circumstances changing as quickly as we want.

While we wait for breakthrough, we can doubt ourselves. Day by day, we can grow discouraged. Am I on the right track? Why did I think I could do this? This is more difficult than I thought. I’ll never finish this…

We can also doubt God in times of waiting. Fear, in combination with doubt, can make us misunderstand our Heavenly Father’s intention toward us. We may feel pretty desperate when we can’t feel His love.

But when I look at life through God’s lens, I see that, quite often, God is waiting for us!! Waiting for us to do what He said (obey), waiting for us to stop trying to control outcomes, waiting for us to have a better attitude…

God only has good in store for us. Instead of giving up on us, He gently coaches us along. If we seek Him while we wait, the time seems to be better spent.

When I think about it that way, it prompts me to consider how closely I am following Jesus. I want to walk in step with Him because then I will be in His perfect timing.

I don’t want to miss anything He has for me!

Praise God, there are several things we never have to wait for. To start, we have immediate access to God’s presence, salvation, and forgiveness. Today is the day of salvation!

We don’t have to wait on God to listen to Him, trust Him, obey Him, gain godly wisdom, or have internal peace. We also don’t have to wait to be kind, gentle, or gracious to others!

God is faithful. He knows exactly what we need…when we need it.

He is not slow in keeping His promises… He is patient with us. His love never fails!

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Heavenly Father, thanks for being so patient with me. Help me walk closely in-step with You, Lord. Help me listen and obey as You lead me. Thank you for directing my path! In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Question: What are you waiting for currently? Are you doing everything God has asked you to do?

Task: Determine to follow the Holy Spirit’s leading. It may be difficult, but He is eager to help you!

MercyMe at the Movies

Over the years, I have grown more comfortable going to see movies on my own. The crazy thing is… it always seems God that meets me at the theater! I’m not joking! Each time I go by myself something interesting happens…

Yesterday, I went to see a matinee showing of “I Can Only Imagine.” I went to a matinee during school hours. As soon as I walked in the door to buy my ticket, my friend, Gwen, ran over to greet me.

I didn’t see Gwen standing there so it was a funny surprise. She was waiting for a friend who I found out was my former neighbor. Lori recognized me from when she and her family still lived on our block. Now, she and her family live out of town near Gwen; their kids go to school together.

We briefly caught up and decided to sit together during the movie. Seeing these ladies was a cool and unexpected blessing. I had considered going to an earlier showing yesterday but decided to run errands instead. I’m so grateful God directs our steps!

The movie told the story behind the hit song of the same name. The movie, in my opinion, was not overly religious…but it was very real. It did not hide the character’s pain or gloss over ugly details. I loved seeing how a relationship with Jesus changes everything.

The main character, Bart Millard, grew up in an abusive household. But when he was in high school, his father started seeking the Lord. It was challenging for Bart to forgive his father, but he did. Praise God, his dad was transformed into a new man! He and Bart improved their relationship before it was too late.

For me, the story, told in the song and movie, highlights what Easter is all about—REDEMPTION. Jesus Christ loved us so much that came to earth and He gave His life on the cross for us. His blood paid the price of our sin and took away the punishment we ourselves deserve: Death. We could never accomplish that on our own.

The movie was a great reminder that Jesus never gives up on us! No one is beyond His salvation. He wants everyone to come to Him… What grace!

But, God didn’t stop there. On Resurrection Sunday, Jesus rose to life again through the power of the Holy Spirit. The best part is that when we accept what Jesus did for us, we are forgiven AND we also receive a new life. We are transformed from the inside out.

Knowing Jesus gives us hope for our future in Heaven—but He also gives us new purpose today. Not only do we have redemption but Jesus also brings RESTORATION.

Jesus renews us and makes us whole. We have new opportunities and can make good choices that honor Him. Because of Jesus, we also can live with joy and fulfillment even in the midst of painful circumstances. Trust me… I know!

We don’t need all the answers to walk by faith. Some situations may years to resolve, but we know that someday, Jesus will make everything right. He is faithful and just!

How awesome that the same power that raised Jesus from the dead is alive in us, too!  Not only are we forgiven and have peace with God, but the Holy Spirit’s power is our strength when we ourselves are weak. He enables us to do far more than we can think or imagine according to His power working in us (see Ephesians 3:20)!

Though we should all encourage each other and work together to glorify Jesus, God has made each of us for a unique role. Therefore, how He works in each of our lives may also look different. We don’t need to compare ourselves! 

For me, having God’s power alive and active inside of me means I can choose to walk by faith instead of fear. I have Victory over fear. I am FREE and don’t have to be afraid!

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Thank You, Jesus, for dying on the cross for me! Thanks for giving me new life and freedom. Help me live boldly and walk by faith. Renew me and transform me from the inside out. In Your Name, Amen.

Questions: Have you received God’s free gift of salvation? From what has Jesus redeemed you?

Tasks: Listen to the song, “I Can Only Imagine,” by MercyMe. Read this article about the song and movie! And, go see the movie! 🙂

Trusting God in Transition

Happy Spring!! I hope you are enjoying sunshine and warmth!!

Here in Fargo…it still looks like winter. In fact, we just got another dusting of snow again this week. However, the snow won’t last long. Change is on its way!

I’m thankful that I chose last week to travel to my hometown in Illinois rather than this week. Because the Lord directed our path and timing, we didn’t have to travel on wet or icy roads. Thank You, Jesus!

Soon, my mom and dad won’t have to deal with snow in Florida!

As my parents finish packing and head south, I have been thinking about life in our small community. Local friends are rallying around my mom and dad to show support, share a meal, and send them off.

Clearly, I’m not the only one grateful for their influence and impact. They have quite a legacy of servant leadership, faithfulness, kindness, and generosity!

I’ve also been recalling all of our memories in the home they built. Since I have been in Fargo for several years, distance has created ’emotional space’ regarding the actual house.

But still, it does seem odd not to be able to call it HOME for much longer… 

Nonetheless, I’m proud of my parents for making the transition. They have been talking about it for a long time. And, I’ve also happily acquired some treasured items from their 43 years of marriage (so far). Bonus!

Moving can be difficult as familiarity is left behind….but I know from personal experience how rewarding it can be to jump into the unknown.

Besides, it’s normal to have new challenges now and then. They remind us this world is not our home… Let’s keep moving forward. God has so much more in store!

God promises to be faithful to those who love and follow Him… Jesus is not bound by zipcodes, timezones, weather, the postal service, or any airline. I know He will take care of my parents just as well in Florida! It is a new adventure!

Transitions can be both scary and exciting. The best part is that times of transition can draw us closer to Jesus. But it’s our choice whether to draw near…

We all have times in our lives where our faith is challenged and doubts creep in. But, if we keep our eyes focused on Jesus, we will remain steady. He is our Rock and our sure foundation. Our hope is in Him.

With Jesus, nothing of value is really lost. Most of us prefer safety and comfort over uncertainty, but everything that truly matters is secure in Christ. We find true peace and rest in Jesus. He will never let us down!

So… I take comfort in those wonderful memories of growing up in the country. I appreciate all the time we spent outdoors and as a family. But, I also look forward to creating new memories… at the beach!

God is good and His plans for us are also good!

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Heavenly Father, thanks for Your love and grace. Thanks for protecting and providing so well for us. In times of transition, help us to rest and trust in You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Are you in a time of transition? How can you trust Jesus to help you thrive?

Tasks: Ultimately, this world is not our home… Listen to the song, ‘Home‘ by Chris Tomlin.

I Belong to God

Last Friday night, I, along with three other ladies, spoke at a women’s event at our church. We each briefly shared our stories as it related to the theme: I Belong to God.

Ironically, each of us interpreted the theme differently, but each story provided a unique angle and gave a deeper, more well-rounded view of the theme. How cool!

One lady shared about how she doesn’t always feel like she belongs. She often feels outside the social circle, but with Jesus, she never has to feel that way.

Another lady shared about how belonging to Christ gives her identity. She shared how she has grown over the years as she understood who she is in Christ.

I shared a quick version of my story, and the fourth lady’s story was about saying yes to God’s call. We also sang worship songs in between testimonies.

For my story, I shared I had grown up in a Christian home and met Jesus at a young age. While I had the head knowledge that Jesus loved me, in my heart, I was afraid.

Looking back, it was difficult for me to put a finger on the root of my fear—and because I couldn’t figure out exactly what the problem was, I never really dealt with it. I just let it become a stronghold over the years. In some ways, fear became my comfort zone.

Then, I shared about moving to Fargo and about our cancer journey. What an emotional roller coaster! It wasn’t easy—our faith was stretched thin at times—but we chose to trust Jesus. And, He really did come through for us in so many ways.

When everything in my life fell apart, God was there to catch me and pick up the pieces. I saw that He is bigger than all my worst fears and was the only sure thing that remained after Dave died. He has taken such good care of me and my daughter, Lydia.

Recently, I came across a quote by Emily Freeman: She says, “When you can’t see God’s hand, trust His heart.” I love that because we all find ourselves in unexpected situations and seasons that we didn’t plan.

If you are facing a choice between FEAR and FAITH, choose faith.

When you belong to God, you can cling to Him in the midst of uncertainty. You can trust in His provision. And, you can rest in His grace. You don’t have to figure it all out on your own. He’s got you covered!

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Heavenly Father, You are so good! Thanks for setting me free from fear. Help me walk in Your grace and live for You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: What is your story and does it include Jesus? Have you ever written it down or shared it with someone?

Tasks: Write down the evidence of God’s grace in your life—share them someone who needs encouragement. Listen to the song, “It Is Well” by Kristene DiMarco and Bethel Music.

Finding Grace #105

I love giving God a shout out for what He has done. We don’t do that nearly enough!

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week I really relied on my neighbors! On Sunday, Lydia across the street while I had a meeting at church. I could have taken Lydia with me, perhaps, but she was much more excited to go play with her friends. I was grateful.

Then, Monday turned out to be a snow day and school was canceled! I was glad but had planned to stay home that day anyway. Lydia and I relaxed at home, other than a phone meeting with my writing coach. With the blizzardy weather, I was going to wait until later in the day to clear snow. While I was on the phone, my neighbors came and cleared my driveway and sidewalks. It was totally unexpected and such a blessing.

Tuesday and Wednesday were normal work days. On Tuesday, another friend stopped by to see if I needed help with the snow. It was already done, but we had a good conversation instead. In the evenings, we also finished up cheerleading and JBQ seasons. It will be nice to have our evenings a little freer.

On Friday, Lydia was off for a planned teacher day. She kept busy reading and playing, while I prepared for a talk that night at church. I was sharing my story with some other ladies for a women’s worship night. It was a fun event, and Lydia once again went across the street to visit the neighbors!

The weather has been slowly getting warmer. It is supposed to be in the 30s this next week, and I am sure the snow will be melting even more. Spring is almost here!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

More Than Anything

My friends and I are moving along as we scribe the Gospel of John. We are each going at our own pace, and I am enjoying the slower process. I’m somewhere in the middle of the pack and just started John Chapter 6 this week.

The first real ‘story’ in John 6 is when Jesus feeds the 5,000 people. When adding the women and children, there would have been many more! This miracle is one that gets a lot of ‘attention’ and as such, it is easy to focus on this ‘big’ event.

But just before that story, I saw something small that I must have previously overlooked. John 6:2 (NLT), says of Jesus, “A huge crowd kept following him wherever he went, because they saw his miraculous signs as he healed the sick.”

Verse 2 stood out to me because of the sense of desperation it portrays. Perhaps the dry, barren desert setting makes it more dramatic… but it seems these people were desperate for signs and breakthrough, not necessarily Jesus Himself.

Lately, I have seen a ton of answers to prayer both for myself and other—both big and small. It is amazing how God meets our needs in creative ways! However, verse 2 is a great gut-check to make sure I am actually seeking JESUS, not just what He can do for me.

I certainly have felt pretty desperate at times, as I am sure you have, too. Thankfully, whenever I feel like that, I have learned to seek the Lord more intently.

I think I am on the right track, but I will be meditating on this for a few days. I can only imagine how Jesus must’ve felt when people just wanted to use Him.

Yet, despite all that, Jesus had compassion on the people and continued to minister to their needs… hence, the story of feeding the 5,000 people (and the rest of the chapter). Wow! What grace.

Indeed, there are times when life does feel pretty desperate. Each season has its own challenges. We all have ups and downs, but hopefully, our trials turn us to Jesus.

JESUS is the ultimate solution to any problem we face. He knows exactly what we need and always comes through for us! He is faithful.

Yes, Jesus uses people and circumstances to meet our needs (and vice versa), but clearly, our help originates with Him. When we start with Jesus, everything else works out, too.

When I feel overwhelmed, I remember that Jesus has already OVERCOME! I can persevere because He is my strength when I am weak. In Jesus, I have Victory!

Jesus doesn’t just bring healing—He is the Healer. He doesn’t just come to the rescue, saving us—He is the Savior. His gifts lead us back to Him, the Giver. He is so good!

When life’s trials grow intense, may we seek Jesus more than anything else! But let’s not wait until trials come and we grow desperate. Let’s seek Jesus even when life is good. Only He satisfies.

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God, thanks for taking such great care of me. You are so good. But, Lord, I want YOU, Jesus, more than what you do for me. Please help me want you more than anything. In Your Name, Amen

Questions: When trials come, do you seek Jesus first? Do you seek Him even before trials come?

Tasks: Listen to the song, “More Than Anything” by Natalie Grant.

My All In All

Recently, I ran into a friend that I haven’t seen for several months. As we briefly caught up, he said that if I needed help with things around the house to keep him posted.

He said, “I know you’re pretty self-sufficient, but if you need help with clearing snow, let me know.” It was a kind offer but on the flip-side almost seemed as if he was implying that I could probably take care of it…so perhaps I don’t really need help…

At first, I just laughed and said thanks. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Besides, when it snows, I am outside by 5:30 in the morning if it is a school-and-work day. I don’t have much time to wait—and would not expect someone to come that early!

Still, the idea of self-sufficiency stood out to me. My friend doesn’t know that I have lyrics to the song, ‘Lord, I Need You‘ by Matt Maher next to my bathroom mirror…and the song comes up right away in my google search bar.

Yes, every hour I need the Lord… and with His help, I do what needs to be done.

Growing up, I gained a good work ethic and a variety of skills that serve me well in this stage of life. Perhaps reading all those ‘Wild West’ pioneer stories about women on the frontier helped develop fortitude, too! 😉

There is no need to apologize for being independent…because life can be tough!

But for me, it’s less about self-reliance and more about God’s grace and provision. I know if God leads me to something, He will help me through it. My goal is to do my best for Him.

I know so many people have more difficulties than I do, so I don’t ever want to take my situation for granted. Generally, I try to have a good attitude and not complain…

Honestly, every day has unique challenges. But in most cases, I just grin and bear it…and try to keep moving forward. Those closest to me know I don’t have it all together. 🙂 So it seems that other people probably just don’t see me struggle.

After talking to my friend, I read John 5. Verse 19 caught my attention: “Jesus gave them this answer: ‘Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does.'”

The entire passage is good, but for me, this verse was a good gut-check. Am I trying to do too much on my own? Do I seek the Lord’s input as I go about my day? Do I readily ask for His help or struggle unnecessarily?

No matter what, I can always choose to depend on the Lord more! He alone is my sufficiency. Everything I need to be is in Jesus; I cannot be productive or effective without Him. It is vain to attempt anything in my own strength. Trust me, it never goes as smoothly!

Jesus is strong when I am weak. His grace covers me. His love carries me.

He always comes through for me!

I love that God is always working in me, through me, with me, and for me…to bless others and bring Him glory. If I just focus on what God is doing around me and join Him, everything else will take care of itself. I don’t have to do everything, just that ONE thing.

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Father God, how great is Your love! Thanks for the reminder that You are all I need. Your grace is sufficient! Help me remember to come to for help…first thing. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you consider yourself to be self-sufficient or independent? What are your best skills? Do you let God use your skills and tailor them for His purposes?

Tasks: Listen to the song, “My All In All” by Phil Wickham. Rely on Jesus!