Praise The Lord!

Well, we made it past May 15th, and now I feel lighthearted again! Whew! Thanks, Lord! Suddenly, it feels like all is well. I can smile and sing a little more freely, and I can focus on other things again. 🙂

In other news, Lydia and I are making good progress reading the Bible chronologically in a year. We came across some of David’s last words in 2 Samuel 22, though they are also represented in the Psalms. It reminded me of a fun song I learned at a Christian summer camp as a kid.

I started singing the song, and had to share it with Lydia. Of course, I had to do the motions too, which happened to make us look like ninjas. It made her laugh so much, which I love. Maybe she will share it with her friends at camp this summer!

It’s funny how God’s Word and music can change our emotions and help us work through tough moments (or months, in my case!). Our emotions are indicators (signs) not dicators (telling us how to feel or think). God’s Word is Truth, and it has the power to change our lives.

We don’t have to live by our emotions! We don’t have to live in fear, stay sad, or harbor anger. We should allow them space so we learn from them, but then we can keep moving forward and let them point us back to Jesus.

Our emotions come from Him, and we can express them in various ways. All of them are valid, but they are only helpful to a point. If we offer them a place to stay, then they may take over. Instead, let’s see them as dear guests, just regularly passing through. Then, they can come and go freely.

Jesus, on the other hand, well, we can build our lives on Him! Our songs of praise and acts of kindness toward others can illuminate His goodness, grace, mercy, justice, peace, joy, etc. He is so good and worthy of praise!

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God, You are so worthy of all our praise! Thanks for all the ways You bless us. May we turn all our emotions over to You, and help us live for You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: What are your favorite songs that put you in a good mood? Do you tend to hold onto your emotions or do you release them?

Tasks: Sing, dance, laugh, talk, cry… it all counts. Praise the Lord!

A Secret Weapon

The last couple of weeks have been a bit…maddening. I’ve lost my temper once or twice and been a little grouchy. Some of it could be subconsciously being aware that the eleventh anniversary of Dave’s death is next week. But really, things have just built up.

At home, unexpected issues have popped up, including trouble replacing my screens after getting egged and picking up a ton of dog poop from my yard (though I don’t have a dog). Then, the fence at the edge of my property fell again (after a two-year fight to get it put back up). It’s just been a lot lately.

I’ve been tempted to have a little pity party, thinking things would be easier if Dave were still here. While that may be true, I know life is full of problems, so even then, something else would likely happen unexpectedly! I can be grateful my problems are not worse, and I know many people are facing greater trials.

Work has been busy as usual, too. Good, just not much downtime to think straight. LOL Thus, my patience has been a little short, but I have been trying to bring all these things to Jesus. I talked with my mom yesterday, and she reminded me that His joy is my strength!

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” — 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, NIV

I recently heard Jesus was the most joyful person who has ever lived. In His presence is fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11)! But He also had a very difficult life. He was born to suffer and die at my expense (and yours!). If Jesus can have abundant joy despite His circumstances, so can I.

Joy is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, which means He wants to grow that in me. The seed has been planted, I just need to cultivate it. This goes for love, peace, patience, etc.

Fruit is meant to be shared with others, to refresh and encourage them, similar to grace. As my mom pointed out, God wants people to see Him in us, so how we display the fruits of the Spirit matters. This is a good reminder to keep looking for ways to serve others and take the focus off myself.

Here are some questions to consider: Do I show joy or grouchiness on my face? Do I bring love and peace to a situation or chaos? Am I loving, kind, and patient even when I don’t get my way? Do I call out the good in others? Do I speak gentle words or bring wrath? Am I faithful even when it costs me? Do I show self-control when life flings out of control?

While I don’t expect my house issues to suddenly disappear, I know they will all work out in time. And I can choose to enjoy life in the meantime. I can find fun and creative things to do, or at least look for ways to bring joy into small moments of my day. Joy is my secret weapon as I stay close to Jesus, for therein lies my strength (Nehemiah 8:10).

When things feel out of control, I will take them to the One who controls the Universe and cares for me infinitely (1 Peter 5:7).

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God, thanks for the fruits of Your Holy Spirit. Specifically, help me cultivate more peace, joy, and patience as I work through these challenges. Thanks for all You do for me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Out of the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit, which ones do you need to cultivate the most right now?  (Galatians 5:22-23)

Task: Next time you feel bent out of shape, consider why. Do whatever it takes to protect your peace and joy. Remember, people are looking for Jesus in you!

Finding Grace #426

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Free Sparrow Flowering Branch photo and picture

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?!

This week was a little humbling. It went well overall, like usual, but there were a few things that made me take a second look at my heart.

I won’t go into all the details right now, but let’s just say I lost my temper a couple of times. I spent several hours doing several house projects and yard work. I mowed the yard, set out my deck furniture, swept the garage, and more. I am capable, but this is really not my preferred area of expertise. It all takes a lot of effort and emotional energy.

I also had a challenging meeting at work. I faced a situation where I did my best and did it very well. But, it was suggested I do something else to go in a different direction, which I pointed out really made no difference. It seemed nit-picky, and I was frustrated because there are so many “actually important” things to focus on, like patient care. It turned out well, but afterward, I did a heart check anyway.

I questioned my motives and wondered if I was just having difficulty accepting feedback. But I don’t think that’s it. After some prayer, I realized why I was bothered: I am trying to move away from perfection. So, trying to improve something that really doesn’t need to be fixed seemed futile (there was nothing wrong to begin with!). In all, it was eye-opening for me, and I am glad I spoke up.

This week was also a big week for parenting. Just normal things, nothing too crazy. Lydia is a great kid, and I enforce good boundaries and respect. I am so proud of her and work to shaper her character, which sometimes takes some big discussions and discipline.

Today, Lydia and I put out a few items on the curb for “clean-up week.” A lot of it was good stuff but just not worth keeping or selling. It’s fun to see which items are already gone before garbage day next week! Lydia and I also threw some other items in the attic. She thought the space above the garage was so cool!

Needless to say, it feels like a long week. I took a nice bath and am watching a movie tonight. Thanks, Lord, for Your mercy and grace!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Stubborn

I recently had similar conversations with two people about stubbornness as a character trait. Of course, we talked mostly in generalities, not identifying ourselves as stubborn! 😉

We all agreed that stubbornness can be a positive or negative trait, depending on the context. One form of stubbornness comes with perseverance in trials, where one simply pushes ahead and refuses to give up. This may include certain military leaders, parents fighting for their children, or someone seeking justice. (Stubbornness does not mean staying put in an abusive situation. Do what you can to leave and get help!)

That said, sometimes, stubbornness is a refusal to compromise or work with others. In that sense, stubbornness can hold one back. The Bible refers to stubbornness as rebellion. The Israelites rejected God and were referred to as a stiff-necked people! Yikes.

Naturally, someone can be stubborn and experience both situations at different times. In fact, many character traits can be strengths or weaknesses depending on circumstances. For instance, confidence taken to an extreme can become arrogance!

After those two conversations, I kept thinking about stubbornness. How do you tell if stubbornness propels you forward or holds you back?

The first thing that comes to mind is… your heart. Are you seeking the benefit of others? Are you standing on strong principles? Are you willing to compromise if certain conditions are met? Or, is your heart hardened by fear or pride? Are you stalling for personal gain?

I’m sure there are some other factors to consider, but for the sake of brevity, I encourage you to start with those questions above. If you are dragging your feet, maybe consider why and work through it with Jesus.

Jesus made you for a purpose. Whether or not you are stubborn, He already knows. I guarantee He has good plans for you. He can use all of your personality traits for His glory and your good! Don’t let resistance or quirks keep you from Jesus!

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God, thanks for making each of us unique. Help us understand our strengths and weaknesses so we may bless others and bring you glory. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you consider yourself to be stubborn? Why or why not? How is this a positive, and when does it become a negative?

Tasks: God gives each of us time to get to know Him, but He will not wait forever. If you have not chosen to submit your life and heart to Jesus, now is the perfect opportunity. Don’t wait!

Ducks In A Row

Spring means a lot of birds are arriving daily! I have noticed songbirds, geese, and ducks lately. Did you know there are over fifty types of ducks worldwide, including geese and swans? (This site reports 165, to be exact.)

Apparently, there are thirty-three different duck species in the United States. Some are friendly and some are territorial. As a side note, loons are not ducks. Now you know!

Not too long ago, I saw a picture of a duck with seventy-six ducklings following her! This article describes it as a ducky daycare of sorts. That makes me smile just thinking about it!

Just like God cares for the sparrows, he absolutely cares for the ducks, too!

Free Ducks Ducklings photo and picture

When life gets busy, we may say, “I need to get my ducks in row.” This expression suggests that we need to get organized or ensure all the details line up just so. It can be difficult because no one can keep all their ducks in a row for long! The ducks (or tasks) are constantly changing, even if they all cooperate and things go smoothly.

I definitely feel that way sometimes, and I am sure you do, too. I try to bend several ways to accomplish much more than I probably should. Lord help me!

I am listening to John Mark Comer’s book The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry. He writes how hurry and busyness lead to distraction and burnout. We tend to run, run, run, and leave little room for margin.

As Christians, this puts us in a dangerous position because if we are so busy all the time, we don’t take time to check in with God. Doing something FOR God is different than doing it WITH God.

King Saul learned that the difficult way in 1 Samuel 13. His soldiers were afraid and leaving the battle, and Saul got tired of waiting for God’s prophet to come. He took matters into his own hands, and because of his impatience and disobedience, Saul eventually lost everything.

Free Duck Ornithology photo and picture

God’s pace is SLOW compared to the world’s pace. We can only survive spiritually if we roll back the busyness and walk with God at the pace He sets. Not several steps ahead without checking in to see if we are actually supposed to go in that direction.

The author mentioned that God is love, and perfect love takes time. So do joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. For example, we need to slow down to love people well, enjoy the present moment, and have peace of mind. Helping people or listening to them takes intention. When we are faced with temptation, we are at risk if we jump right in before weighing options.

Slowing down likely means having fewer ducks overall (tasks on my to-do list). I won’t shirk my responsibilities or give away my little duckies, but when it’s time for them to fledge (our time together is complete), I don’t have to get more ducks ‘just because.’ I trust God to help me know what I can handle and what that looks like.

After all, God cares for the ducks, and He cares for me, too. All the world’s ducks are His. And all circumstances and the tasks in my little world are under His guidance, too. Or, at least, they are if I ask for His help and go at His pace!

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God, thanks for the gift of ducks! Thanks for the new life they represent and the joy they bring. Help me submit my daily schedule to you. Give me just the right amount of tasks and help me stay focused on You. I want to walk with You, In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: How many “ducks” are you in charge of right now? Is it too much or just enough? Are you trusting God?

Tasks: Let’s honor God by checking in with Him regarding our schedule. We can trust Him to give us just the right amount of ducks. Keep in mind chaos and overwhelm are NOT from Him… don’t beat yourself up if your ducks are running wild. Just bring them to Jesus and let Him help you!

Living Redeemed

Spring is in the air, and I sense God doing something new! In some ways, I feel like this season has already been drawn out since we had hardly any winter snow. But, I also feel a little behind the game because it is easy to coast along when I am busy with other things. Sometimes, it is nice to have some urgency, and at different times, it is good just to relax. Either way, I am excited to see what God is doing.

On Easter Sunday, Psalm 103:1-5 was shared, and the sermon was about what it means to be redeemed. Essentially, redemption means that a ransom was paid (Jesus’ blood) so we can live freely with new purpose. Living under God’s grace has many benefits, as you can read below:

1 Praise the Lord, my soul;
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all your sins
    and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

Free River Stream photo and picture

Below are a few of my notes. I certainly have some thinking to do, but this is a good place to start. I hope you find these points useful and can personalize them for your circumstances! 

As God’s children, we are redeemed from sin, death, and fear. We are given new life and have the freedom to walk it out in faith and Victory. Collectively, we are redeemed to participate in God’s Kingdom and do good works, which He has prepared in advance for us to do (Ephesians 2:10).

But what good works did Jesus redeem me for specifically? They will be unique to me. I have a special purpose and hidden potential. My life belongs to Jesus, and what I do matters, but it will likely look different from everyone else.

What are the consequences of not living my full purpose? What will I miss out on? Who is depending on me to be faithful? Whatever the answer, it affects me, my family, my community, and the Church in general. If I don’t do my part, everything suffers. Jesus already did the main work, but He still has a plan for me to complete. Get going!

Sooo… What am I waiting for? What is holding me back? This could be apathy, rebellion, fear, etc., depending on the situation! It’s definitely worth thinking through and dealing with the root causes. Otherwise, I’ll never get started.

Each of us will have different answers to the questions I listed above. But, it is worth praying about what God wants you to know and do. There is great blessing joy, and peace when we are on His path for us. That doesn’t mean we won’t have a struggle, though!

Living redeemed takes courage, but what an adventure it is! Do your best and focus on progress, not perfection. Remember, we live under God’s abundant grace! He is committed and more than able to complete the good work he started in you (Philippians 1:6).

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Heavenly Father, thanks for redemption, new life, and grace. You are good, and so are your plans for me! Help me understand Your work in my life and how You have equipped me for it. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: What do you think God has redeemed you for specifically? Do you anticipate any changes, or are you already where you need to be?

Task: When praying for specific next steps, consider your personality, talents, passion areas, and life experiences. All of these can help determine if you are on the right path.

Finding Grace #421

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Free Robin Red-Breasted photo and picture

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?!

This Holy Week was good. I did a daily Bible devotion on YouVersion about Jesus’ las week, and it was good to keep that at the forefront of my mind.

On Sunday, I met with a dear church friend for coffee. She has been growing in her faith but is working through some tough issues. I am so proud that she mentioned her questions to me, and we were able to discuss them. She was dealing with fear, and I encouraged her and challenged her to not give up. As long as we keep moving forward toward Him, we will have Victory!

Work was surprisingly slow! I had a lot of patients, but a few canceled or no-showed, and some rescheduled or just didn’t want to talk long. I was able to stay on top of my charting and am fully caught up! I was able to do a few projects and even cleaned my desk!

Otherwise, it was a quiet week. I have enjoyed the calm, and often, during these peaceful moments, I can hear from God best. Of course, He has given me a few new things to think about and pray through. 🙂

Today, I saw my first robin of spring! I had just woken up, and the bird was singing on my deck. I was delighted and am sure there will be many more in the coming days!

Finally, three people mentioned my book to me. One asked how to get a copy for a friend, and two gave positive feedback. I love that my works are encouraging others! It’s been awhile since I shared the link, but here is how you can get one (or three!).

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

A “Walk-By Fruiting”

Recently, I had a really funny patient who wanted to make some nutrition changes. He loves cooking and preparing meals for his family, which is good because he said his wife only knows how to order pizza for her turn in the kitchen!

This Veteran made me laugh and certainly had unique ways of saying things. For instance, he said that butter means love in his family. So, when someone makes potatoes or toast (or whatever!), they “add a little love.” He had been “adding a lot of love” based on his lab work! Yet, he had already made a break with butter by the time we met. He was still using some but had reduced it.

He also “had a feeling” for Baby Ruth candy bars since he associates them with comfort and good memories of his youth. Regarding my recommendations, the Veteran was willing to get rid of something else, if needed, and leave those alone. I was 100% okay with that since he is not eating too many.

Finally, he used the phrase “walk-by fruiting” to describe the little basket of fresh fruit in their walkway between the kitchen and living room. If he is hungry, he can grab a piece of fruit as he walks by! It makes total sense, right?!

March is National Nutrition Month, and of course, fruit is food! But, fruit is also used to describe evidence of growing closer to God and becoming like Jesus through the power of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22). Words matter, and I have been thinking of walk-by fruitings ever since!

Whenever I read my Bible or hear a verse from Scripture, I will think… walk-by fruiting! It’s catchy and encouraging! Whenever I reconnect with God during my day to find new strength… yes, that’s a walk-by fruiting!

I am also reminded that one of my friends had a funny word for extra food after a meal. Many of us call them leftovers, but he called them “remainders” like he learned when doing long division in math class. Spot on, really!

That is not too much of a stretch here. Jesus calls us to remain in Him; in doing so, we will bear much fruit. Just by staying connected, we can’t help but grow. Conversely, if we cut ourselves off, our faith will wither and die. It’s not really about doing more but resting in God’s love. Jesus has already done the most difficult work on the Cross.

Remaining in Jesus is a matter of the heart as we let Him position us where He wants us. So, let’s remain close to Jesus because we have Life and Victory in Him!

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Father, thanks for showing us new things daily through the people we meet. Open our eyes and hearts so we can learn and grow. Help us stay close to you. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Question: Does your family have any cute sayings that have carried through the years?

Task: As you connect with God throughout your day, think about the growth that will occur over time. It takes diligence and intention, but I hope you are encouraged and keep coming back for walk-by fruitings!

Cornerstone

Lately, I have noticed a subtle shift in my house. It is a good and natural thing, but it has surprised me. I recognized it this week, which helped deal with it. At least for now!

Basically, I have been a little short with Lydia, and it bothered me. She’s a great kid and doesn’t deserve that. I couldn’t figure out the issues until I prayed about it on the way to work Monday.

I think my feelings of frustration were related to a few factors. First, Lydia is growing more independent. So, she wants to have some say in what we do. I also want this for her, but to do that, I need to let go and let her. And that’s complicated sometimes. 🙂

Part of this is related to “puberty brain.” Normally, Lydia is obedient and reliable. But now, she “forgets” to complete tasks or wants to negotiate. That’s fine sometimes, but I put my foot down this past weekend and reset some boundaries. I know this is just the beginning, and communication will morph over the next few years. Again, this is all normal!

Another factor is that I have been the only adult at home for over a decade, which is a lot of responsibility. And, I have expectations about my house and space! Over time, I have taught Lydia to do various household tasks, but if she doesn’t follow through or moves like a sloth, I either have to do it or reinforce it… again. Both take more time and dilegence.

Free Medieval Castle Detail photo and picture

On Monday, I was also nervous about the timing of things at work. I had two complex patients coming on top of my regular patient load. They were expected to come back to back and had a lot of similarities which I needed to keep straight. I lost a little sleep about this, and so I was just a little grumpy with all that on my mind. 😉

Then, before work, I had to remind Lydia to move her shoes after I tripped on them. She knows not to leave them in the middle of the floor. I yelled out of exasperation and had to apologize. It all worked out, but on my way to work, I prayed and asked God to help me readjust… and as soon as I did, He did a little heart work!

On the radio, I heard a few songs, like Tasha Layton’s “Look What You’ve Done.” There’s a line about God tearing all the roots up from our hearts, getting rid of lies and replacing them with His Truth. I envisioned God taking my fears and grumpiness as I soaked up His love for me.

Then, I heard the song, “Cornerstone” by TobyMac. It was a great reminder of what really matters: Jesus. My identity is found in Christ alone, not in if the dishes get done (or if Lydia remembers them or not).

Jesus is my cornerstone, the perfect foundation. My security is found in Him. He is my hope, my joy, my peace. Jesus encompasses all I am, and His expectation is that I walk with Him. His mercy and grace cover all I do. No more, no less.

As Psalm 73:26 says, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Life can quickly change, and no two days are alike. If we let our circumstances or emotions run the show, we’ll keep spiraling out of control. One minute, we are “happy” when things go our way, and the next, we are losing our temper over towels left in the dryer. Ahem.

We can’t always predict how things will go, but we can run to God, who is our Rock. He is strong and steady, a sure place to land. He is the only thing that matters in the end.

I know the Lord will keep working in my heart and household. I have invited Him in and give Him full reign (sometimes hour by hour!). I am excited to see what Jesus does in me and who Lydia becomes in Him.

So today, instead of getting bent out of shape, I will let God shape me. He is the beginning and the end and knows all things. His plans for me are good and trustworthy! He can use any challenge for His purposes. Nothing is impossible for Him!

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God, thanks for being my foundation, my cornerstone. Thanks for the reminder that I am not in control and don’t need to be! Help me trust You more and let You direct my path. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Questions: Are you relying on God to steady you this week? How has He come through for you lately?

Task: Let God strip away everything that is not of Him. It is painful at times, but worth it! Check out this final song I heard on the radio, which helped tie everything together, “One Thing Remains” by Passion ft Kristian Stanfill.

Celebrating Black History Month

Often, I like to watch television while I pay bills, research various topics, or write. It helps motivate me to sit still and, ironically, helps me focus. Typically, I wouldn’t watch something where I need to focus, but rather a rerun or a documentary.

I don’t have cable, but I subscribe to a couple of apps, so I can still watch certain shows. Thankfully, I can hit pause on Roku, so if it’s too distracting (i.e. interesting!), I can return to it later.

Yesterday, I started watching a show called “Black Patriots: Heroes of the American Revolution” on the Military/History Channel. I love history and stories that highlight courage and heroism! I also read stories about many tenacious Veterans at work. Though, I was bummed to miss a lunch ‘n’ learn about Felix Battles, a “pioneer barber” who fought in the Civil War and helped settle Moorhead, MN, as a successful businessman.

Free grunge usa flag american flag illustration

Last night, the Black Patriots show was so interesting that the only way I could focus on my blog was to write about it! 😉 I had heard about brave men like Crispus Attucks (the first person killed in the British/American conflict) and Phillis Wheatley (the poet who corresponded with George Washington). But, I learned some new-to-me facts about their lives.

I also learned about the Rhode Island Regiment, a game-changer in battle. Black people served in several ways: soldiers, spies, and scribes. One comment that struck me is that whites were fighting for independence from England, but blacks (slaves and ex-slaves) were fighting for their lives, liberation, and equality.

I was surprised to learn that approximately twenty percent of the population had African roots. Yet, they were deemed as sub-human and, at first, were prevented from fighting in the war. Many of these slaves escaped to fight (first) on the side of the British… and later for the American side. Some were also sent to war instead of the slaveowners with the promise of freedom IF they survived.

I’m not sure if that would have felt like a better or worse deal, but they made a big impact. Not to mention the Native Americans who fought for American freedom. It is mindboggling to consider how it must have been, but the extra soldiers on the American side turned the tide in many ways. Sadly, not all would see the benefits they fought for. Many died or remained enslaved. Even worse, some of those racist attitudes and power struggles still persist today.

I loved watching the show yesterday and am so grateful to the people fighting for freedom. At the same time, this content should not be saved for one month a year. We should continue learning about various cultures and American history (positives and negatives) and be open to changing our minds.

Perhaps it feels uncomfortable, but there are greater things at stake. Individually and as a nation, we are stronger when we unite and honor our differences. We often can’t have peace or freedom without fighting for it. There is grace, forgiveness, and restitution, but failure to learn from history affects us all.

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God, thanks for all the brave men and women who served, sacrificed, and died for freedom. And for those on the frontlines today. May we fight for justice and persevere through the challenges. Help us not take it all for granted but do our part. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: How are you celebrating Black History Month? What are you doing to move out of your comfort zone?

Tasks: Reach out to your black/African/African American friends. Encourage them. Be their ally and learn from them. Support their businesses! Enjoy a meal with them, and spend time together. Let them know they are not alone. Furthermore, ask about their experiences. Be a good listener and be willing to go deep; it’s not their job to teach you (that’s your responsibility!).