Looking Back and Moving Forward

Welcome to 2020!! Wow, that has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?!

Recently on social media, people were having a ‘decade challenge’ where they posted a picture of themselves in 2009 and 2019. It was cool to see how many people have stayed the same and/or changed.

I didn’t post any pictures, in part because I couldn’t find any pictures of me from 2009 without a lot of effort. Hey, it’s been ten years! 😉

Nonetheless, I have certainly been thinking about all that has happened in the last decade. After all, hindsight is 20/20. 😉 It is important to remember all the things we’ve been through. Not because we should stay there, but so we can learn and grow past them.

Here is a brief recap of my last decade. I’m looking back while still moving forward. Also, I did find a picture of me with Dave right before we moved to North Dakota in early 2010. Close enough! 🙂

2009: Dave and I celebrated one year of marriage. We also went through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University. The wise principles we learned through this course put us on the same page in our marriage by giving us common goals and helping us communicate better. Only God could know what was coming next, and I’m extremely grateful for the impact that course had on both our finances and our marriage.

2010: With my support, Dave decided to apply for a job in West Fargo, North Dakota, with Caterpillar. He was hired almost immediately, and that set the stage for the biggest challenges of our lives. We felt God was calling us to a big adventure, though had we known what that entailed, perhaps we would have stayed put. Still, we moved twelve hours away from our family and friends and soon settled into our brand new home and community. Dave had so much fun using his snowblower to clear several feet of snow that year!

2011: The highlights here include meeting many new neighbors and friends at church. However, it was difficult to be far from family, and we had to miss several fun events. Later that year, Dave and I celebrated Lydia Ruth’s arrival. She was named after my grandmother, who died the year before. I will never forget the pure joy on Dave’s face when Lydia was born. He was so very proud to be her Daddy!

2012: One afternoon in early May 2012, Dave came home from work early and stayed in bed for a week. He felt sick and had no energy. I could hear his stomach making sounds from over ten feet away. On Mother’s Day, I took him to the ER and he was admitted. We soon found out he had Stage IV colon cancer. Lydia was not quite six months old. We spent the rest of the year going through chemo and two major surgeries. Through this, God used cancer to expose my deepest fears and challenge my faith. It was grueling, as you can imagine, but Dave’s positive attitude will always stand out in my mind.

2013: A very difficult year. Dave continued to decline and was in the hospital more than he was at home. He had a third major surgery in April. My faith was in crisis mode. At first, he rebounded, thanks to the amazing support of our loving family and friends. But on May 15th, 2013, Dave died at the age of 34 and my life as a widowed single mom began. I was 30 years old. Even in the midst of shock and immense heartache, I knew I needed to give myself time to properly grieve. By this point, all I could do was cling to Jesus. Whereas cancer rocked my faith, grief is where my faith was remade. I’m grateful God caught me and held me through it all.

2014: Dave and I had previously tried to dedicate Lydia at church, but each time, he had been too sick. So, in May 2014 (around the one-year anniversary of his death), I decided to do it on my own. For me, it was a huge step forward because it was scary to stand in front of everyone as a single mom. But, in terms of faith, it felt like I needed to draw a line in the sand and make a stand. For me, it was a Joshua 24:15 moment: “But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”

2015: I continued to work through various aspects of grief. (That could be said about every year since!) In May 2015, I decided to start blogging to mark our path of moving forward and finding God’s grace along the way. For months, I worked behind the scenes to learn the system and prepare. It took me a little while to find the courage to ‘put myself out there,’ but I finally went live in August. I’m so glad I did!

2016: Lydia began preschool in the fall. I wasn’t sure of where to send her, but God lead me to just the right place. Lydia’s teachers really connected well with her, and it was fun to see how she grew that year. Also, Lydia felt comfortable to start talking more about Dave to her teachers and little friends. I was concerned about this at first, but her teachers wisely and graciously helped us through that. They gave Lydia all the time, space, and resources to explain herself and come to terms with the loss in her own little way. I’m forever grateful and we have continued to roll with it as best we can.

2017: A year of transition. The company I worked for was bought out by a larger healthcare organization. My job was merged into the new system. It was scary, but I am glad I stuck it out. During this time, I also had a friend stay with us for six months while she got back on her feet. It was a fun time and our friendship grew stronger. That fall, Lydia started Kindergarten. It felt like a huge milestone!

2018: My parents moved to Florida in the spring. It was a little sad for me, but I am happy they have adjusted so well! We went to visit them during Lydia’s birthday and had a great time. Among other fun adventures, Lydia also started first grade. Our most stable year!

2019: Yet another transitional year. In February, I contacted a dietitian friend and talked with her about something related to Dave. Then, summer came and she contacted me about a new job! I had prayerfully felt something new was coming, and I am so glad I decided to apply. I have been there since August and it has been a huge blessing to me. There have been challenges in terms of daycare and other adjustments, but I am really grateful for the opportunity.

So what’s next? Well, only God knows. 🙂 But as I look back over the years, I see one transition after another. Yes, growth means changing through the ups and downs.

A good attitude always helps as we trust God to turn each problem into something good. I am looking forward to seeing His faithfulness as we continue on this great adventure.

“You’ve been so, so good to me. You’ve been so, so good to me. Oh, to think where I would be, if not for You, if not for You.” —Remembrance by Hillsong Worship

Despite my many challenges over the last ten years, God has never left me on my own. Each step of the way, He has helped me. I didn’t always understand how He was working, but I can see it now. And, I am grateful for His grace and goodness toward me.

I don’t know what your last decade entailed, but I hope you can see how God came through for you. He has not forgotten you. He fights for you and loves you very much!

Our Victory is in Jesus!

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God, be praised! We cannot thank You enough for all You have done for us. As we look back and see Your faithfulness, please build our trust. Give us the courage to keep moving forward, knowing You will lead us and catch us when we fall. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: What challenges and victories have you faced over the last year…or ten? Can you see God’s hand in your circumstances, working them out for good?

Tasks: Write down the challenges you faced and the coinciding victories. Then, give God praise. If you haven’t seen anything good just yet, hang on! It’s coming!

Finding Grace #199

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week we enjoyed celebrating Jesus’ birthday! He really is the perfect gift! We enjoyed the Christmas Eve service at church and also joined another family for dinner on Tuesday. Then, we spent Christmas day at home. We talked with family and received so many wonderful gifts! Thank you!!

I worked on Monday but have had the rest of the week off. Lydia and I ran some errands this week and have enjoyed spending lots of time together! We have baked treats and played a ton of new games.

Lydia has really ‘grown up’ this week before my eyes. First, Lydia opted to put the Christmas money she received in her savings account. Then, we had some intense discussions about all sorts of topics, including body image, accepting our perceived flaws, and being who God made us to be. I was hoping these topics wouldn’t come up so soon, but I felt God directing our conversations. Lydia calmed herself down and considered what I was saying as I helped reframe her concerns. Thanks, Lord!

This week, Lydia decided she actually does like to eat bell peppers. She also made herself breakfast (toast, etc.) and lunch (which included salad). Then, she read an abridged children’s version of Moby Dick and was happy to discover a new-to-her genre of classic literature. It was fun to watch her engage with the story. Thankfully, I bought her a handful of these books over the summer and she has several more days off school!

On Thursday, Lydia also volunteered to help me shovel snow and did a fabulous job. Then, we had fun sledding in the lot behind our house! We stayed outside for over an hour and then came in and enjoyed some hot chocolate. Later, we upgraded Lydia’s closet to bigger hangers and donated some clothes that were too small for her.

Today Lydia and I enjoyed the snowy weather! She started a new book (Journey to the Center of the Earth, abridged) while I “hiked” in Austria on my treadmill! Then, this afternoon, a friend came to visit and we introduced them to several of our new games. The extra player made everything a lot more fun and competitive! We will be laughing about that for quite a while. Tonight, we are watching another movie or two. It’s been a full week!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Finding Grace #198

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This was a really fun week, though there were a few tough moments! God came through for me with an extra dose of grace! I also really appreciated everyone’s support for Dave’s birthday.  Thank you!

This week, we had several fun holiday activities at work. We worked hard, but also wore ugly Christmas sweaters, exchanged Secret Santa gifts, took pictures, laughed and told stories, and ate some yummy meals and treats together. I’m grateful for a good job and wonderful coworkers who are becoming friends!

Lydia and I also hosted a white elephant exchange for my Thursday night small group friends. I unwrapped a 2012 giant phone book from Knoxville, Tennessee! I happened to give away an expired container of prunes, so I got even, lol! It was a fun time all around!

Today Lydia and I had fun relaxing around the house! We enjoyed playing new games, watching movies, baking treats, and finding Christmas gifts on the porch from loved ones. Lydia has had fun rearranging the boxes under the tree for Wednesday!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

A Tale of Two Birthdays

Well, here we are in the swing of the holiday season!

Yesterday was Dave’s birthday. Of course, it comes every year, but yesterday felt different. I intentionally put off thinking about it all until later in the day because I was trying to keep it together and get things done. Still, I’ve been thinking of him quite a bit lately.

It’s interesting to think about how things would be different if Dave was here…

This particular week is very busy trying to squeeze in a trillion activities before Christmas. Some of the stress is normal and would be the same even if Dave was here. Work and school, making meals, washing dishes, Christmas parties, shopping lines, etc.

But yesterday, I caught myself being frustrated by all the stressors that result from Dave being gone. Several things are more difficult now. Many things take longer to complete or just don’t get done. As a single mom and homeowner, all the responsibility falls on me.

Most of the time, I just deal with it. But yesterday, it took more effort. Missing Dave was one component, yes. But after work, school and Lydia’s orthodontist appointment, several random chaotic things happened all at once. It didn’t help that we were also sad, cold, overwhelmed, frustrated, tired, and hangry. It was the perfect storm.

Yesterday was a little rough at times. But, I noticed my mindset wasn’t particularly helpful and I didn’t want to linger there for long, though that would have been easier.

Thankfully, God showed up in the many people around us. Several people sent texts or called to chat. Last night, our neighbors dropped off a delicious box of goodies with perfect timing. And for dinner, a dear friend came over with pizza and cupcakes.

Last night, I reminded myself of all I have to be thankful for… Dave was a wonderful man and now I have Lydia! Then, a few Caterpillar guys checked in and sent thoughtful messages. We also received a number of beautiful Christmas cards reminding me of all the people cheering us on from near and far. I’m grateful for your prayers and support.

And, I reminded myself of how far God has brought me. That’s the beauty in all of this. Despite my (sometimes) heartache and frustration, Jesus is here with me.

Yesterday, Dave’s birthday was a little sad because it reminds me of all we have lost, but we look forward to celebrating Jesus’ birthday, too. We rejoice that Jesus’ birth brought us hope and redemption. A solution to the world’s collective heartbreak.

Emmanuel means ‘God with us’ and when Jesus steps into a situation, He will help us get through it. He brings peace and joy, grace and power, as well as hope and healing. But we have to invite Him in. Come, Lord Jesus, Come!

When all is well or when (I feel) nothing is going right… Emmanuel.

When problems arise and nothing gets solved… Emmanuel.

When I don’t measure up despite giving my best effort… Emmanuel.

There is power in the Name of Jesus and peace in His Presence. He is our Emmanuel. So instead of feeling sorry for myself, I’m seeing my pain as a reminder to draw closer to Jesus. I’m trusting in God’s grace and focusing on His goodness. Thank You, Jesus!

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Heavenly Father, thanks for sending Your son, Jesus, to be our Emmanuel. Thanks for never leaving us nor forsaking us. You deserve all our praise. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Is there someone who needs a little encouragement or support during this season? How can you bring them comfort and point them to Jesus?

Tasks: Ask a grieving friend to come over for the holidays. Or, see if you can help them finish their shopping or baking or other preparations. Sometimes just being present is all they need to remember Jesus is with them, too.

Finding Grace #197

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week flew by! The temperatures were below zero for much of the week, but I am grateful God kept us safe and warm. I’m also thankful for merino wool sweaters and socks!

On Wednesday, after work and school, Lydia and I went on an afternoon adventure! We walked around Scheels, an outdoor store, and played games. Lydia really enjoyed the shooting game and I was proud of how quickly she learned what to do. She also had fun on a motorcycle game. It was a fun and relaxing time together!

Last night, Lydia and I went to hang out with some of my coworkers. We had dinner and watched a movie while catching up and getting to know each other better. It was a lot of fun, and we all agreed we are blessed to have such a cohesive team!

Today is my one year LASIK anniversary! I had my routine eye exam yesterday and everything looks fantastic! My eye doctor is really pleased with my results. I am too! It is so nice to not think about glasses and contacts anymore. It was a life-changing decision, and I am so glad I decided to do it. Thank you, Jesus!

Today, a friend came over to play while her parents watched her brother’s basketball games. She and Lydia had fun playing their own games and putting together a giant LEGO set from Lydia’s birthday. The girls were very cooperative, and we appreciated her help!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

There’s Always a Catch!

Have you ever noticed how when one thing starts going right, something else seems to go wrong? For example, when the washing machine finally gets fixed, the drier needs repaired or the laundry detergent runs out. Or, you finally remember a coupon at the grocery store but find out it has expired.

Why is there always a catch?

You may leave for work extra early but still get stuck in traffic. Or, you get your oil changed but then your breaks start squeaking. Or, you waited to go sledding until the wind finally dies down but then the bitter cold settles in.

Why can’t we get a break?

At this time of year, for some people, life can seem to close in as we are reminded of all we are missing or all that has been lost. Perhaps you’ve lost a job or relationship. Perhaps life has just turned out differently than expected.

Years ago, I discovered an interesting Bible verse in my own grief. Deuteronomy 33:27 says, “The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.” At first, it seems like an odd verse. Underneath are the everlasting arms…say what?

But when my late husband, Dave, died, I gained more understanding. Emotionally, it felt like the floor literally fell out from underneath my feet. My life was changed in an instant. But soon, that same verse brought me great comfort as I envisioned God catching me and drawing me near.

For those in the midst of intense grief, it can feel like you are falling with no place to land. It can be difficult to know which way is up. It might even feel like things will never get better. I get it. I’ve been there, too.

But, God caught me… and I know He will catch you too!

Maybe the Christmas season has you feeling down. Yet, that’s why Jesus came. He came not to simply bring light to the darkness, but to BE the light that extinguishes it.

Jesus came not to just fix what was broken but to give us a new purpose. He came not just to rescue us, but to give us a new life in Him. He is our living Hope.

During the holidays, it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement or stuck in our emotions. In both cases, we risk missing Jesus altogether. Thankfully, with God, there’s always a catch!

Jesus is our Rescuer.

When life gets chaotic, free-fall into God’s open arms. He’s waiting for you, so cling to Him. Whatever you are going through today, whether it is exciting or exhausting, invite Jesus in. He’s got you surrounded in grace and peace.

Let Him catch you and comfort you. His love never fails!

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Heavenly Father, thanks for sending Jesus, Our Rescuer. Thanks for catching us and holding us close. Please keep us focused on You instead of our circumstances. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Are there any Bible verses that you have found odd only to understand later on in a more personal way? If so, share in the comments!

Task: Listen to the song, “Power of Your Love,” sung by Darlene Zschech. Make it your heart’s cry and draw close to Jesus.

 

Finding Grace #196

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This was a really great week! It has been chilly, but we haven’t received any more snow since Sunday. I’m grateful the roads weren’t super slick.

All week I trained full time in the hospital portion of where I work! I really enjoyed working ‘inpatient’ again, as it has been a long time since I have done that. On Friday, the lady training me was off, so I covered for her and had a good day!

On Thursday, my small group friends canceled, so Lydia and I enjoyed watching ‘The Polar Express’! It was different than we expected but we both had a good time together.

That night, I also fixed a curtain rod in Lydia’s room! Years ago, she broke it when she used the curtains as a swing. I half-fixed it back then but needed to do a better job this time. A friend coached me over the phone but it feels good to finish the job on my own!

Today, Lydia and I attended an out-of-town baby shower for a friend. It was a fun way to celebrate her and we met some of her other friends! We played games and had yummy food! Thankfully, the weather was also good and the roads were clear.

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Finding Grace #195

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This was a full week, yet we were also able to relax. Work went well and was fairly busy, but then it was time to play! Balance, right?!

On Thursday, we invited a friend over for Thanksgiving. She is from Ghana, so her family is also far away. We made and ate yummy food, then caught up and shared about our blessings. We played with Lydia’s new coding robot and played other games, too.

Later in the evening, we all watched ‘Home Alone’ and put up our Christmas tree! This movie is a classic and always reminds me of my family. We saw the movie when it first came to the theater (in 1990) with my grandparents. Regarding my extended family, the more of us there are, the louder we get. When we all get together, it gets rather chaotic. But, we all love each other and support each other despite our differences. We always have fun playing ‘reindeer games’ and catching up!

Lydia and I both have enjoyed this long weekend. It has been so good to sleep in and go at a slower pace. Lydia and I have played board games and watched more movies, like ‘Elf’ and ‘Little Women.’ This weekend was just what I needed! Thank You, Jesus!

Today, we stayed in to relax and wait out a winter storm. The snow is quite pretty, and I am grateful to have help with snow removal. It was a good decision to hire someone for the season. I’ll still need to clear some snow (where they can’t get super close to the house), but it will require less of my time and physical effort. I’m grateful!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

LEGO Sets and Coding Robots

For her birthday last week, Lydia received several wonderful presents. For instance, she received a couple of LEGO sets, and we had fun putting them together last weekend.

I let Lydia do most of the work, but we both enjoyed the process. I mainly supervised but was happy she considered me to be part of the team.

Of course, we have put together multiple LEGO sets, but the details always amaze me. The directions contain virtually no words to describe what is expected, so it is mainly through looking at pictures one can be successful. Somehow it always works out!

Last week, there were times when we had to pull something apart and rebuild it. But even when we had to go back a few steps, it only made the final product stronger.

Besides gifts, Lydia also received an Amazon gift card and some cash. I usually have her save her money, but this time, I let her buy something special.

After comparing several ideas and looking through options, she decided on Botley, the Coding Robot. Two-day shipping meant her package came right away! 😉

Lydia first learned about coding last year, and I encourage any opportunity to build on her STEAM skills in a fun way. (STEAM = Science, Technology, Engineering, Art, and Math)

So far, using Botley seems straightforward. He says hello, chatters periodically, and is really cute! I’ve even played with him after Lydia has gone to bed. 🙂

Botley is very hands-on, while still promoting critical thinking. I appreciate he brings ‘screen-free’ playtime. Thankfully, Lydia had enough birthday money to upgrade her set, so it should keep us engaged for awhile!

‘Coding’ is essentially computer programming. It is cool to see the basics of how this works behind the scenes. In our modern tech-driven society, coding is one key to making the world go ’round. So, for kids today, this is more or less a necessary skill.

Technology is not a stand-in for interpersonal skills, kindness, generosity, etc., but I want Lydia to stretch herself, learn new things, and grow. If she can have fun, too, bring it on!

Botley was simple to set up, and we were playing with him in a matter of minutes. At first, Lydia thought Botley was more of a remote control car, moving forward, backward, left, or right on a whim.

But soon, she realized she needed to plan ahead and tell her little robot what to do to help him reach the final destination or goal. It was a challenge for her to think through each step!

Interestingly, I see several parallels between LEGO sets, coding robots, and God’s sovereign plan for us. From DNA and fingerprints to unique personalities, talents, and interests… He has designed us for greatness!

It brings God great joy when we follow His direction and leading with a cheerful heart. As we move through each challenge, He cheers us on!

If we forget a step, we may have to fix something before we move forward. But if we lose sight of our goal, God is right there to remind us, encourage us, and empower us.

On the other hand, while God is the Master Coder, we are not His robots. Instead, He invites us into His family as dearly loved children!

We are also God’s partners. He takes charge but gives us personal responsibility too. Unlike Botley, who has no choice, if I refuse to listen, I have consequences.

At the very least, if I am disobedient, I risk not fulfilling His amazing plan for me.

I’m grateful God shares His plans with us. He never expects us to just ‘figure it out.’

We have several gifts and resources to help us. We have our God-given conscience and the Bible (God’s Word). We also have His peace and presence through the Holy Spirit.

God usually doesn’t share ALL the details at once, but thankfully, He always tells us what we need to know. Draw near to Him, ask for His input, and then do it!

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Heavenly Father, thanks for Your wonderful, sovereign plan! Thanks for always having Your best in mind for me. Help me walk it out in faithful obedience. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Question: Do you feel like you are in a loving partnership with God or a remote-controlled robotic relationship?

Tasks: Pray for wisdom and direction, if you need it. Make sure to follow-through!

Finding Grace #194

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This was a great week!!

Lydia had a birthday, and we celebrated all week long! Each day we did something special including opening presents, eating yummy food and treats, and chatting with family. Lydia received lots of thoughtful gifts, and we enjoyed spending time together while we put together her new LEGO sets. God gave me an awesome girl!

Today, we went to see Frozen 2. It was a wonderful movie! We liked it even better than the first one, and would highly recommend it! I really enjoyed the message.

On Friday, I had another day completely to myself! It was so relaxing, and I went through several piles of paperwork at a leisurely pace. I’m grateful for the ability to work part-time! It’s not without its own challenges, but I appreciate how God takes care of us!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!