Quit Spinning Your Wheels!

Have you ever felt like you are just spinning your wheels and getting nowhere fast? Perhaps you are not making progress on your goals due to always being on-the-go, running from one activity to the next. Or, maybe you don’t know which path to take next. Life is full of tough decisions, and sometimes we have to quit what we are doing to regroup. 

This week, I had an interesting conversation with a friend about such decisions. Nothing unusual… just choices that carry weight and impact.

These include decisions regarding finances, education, volunteering, and relationships. Unfortunately, she’s been so ‘busy’ she can’t think straight, and people keep asking her to be involved in activities that are draining her of time, energy, and peace.

Of course, since I am older, I have faced similar circumstances in the past. Each time, I learned invaluable lessons which prompted a new level of growth and maturity.

Examples: Boundaries and the wordNo’ are powerful!

My friend will have to make her own decisions, of course. I simply mentioned how important solitude had been for me, especially in college when I was trying to make so many of the same decisions.

Being alone is scary for a lot of people, but solitude is different than being lonely.

For me, solitude is taking time away, so I can quit spinning my wheels. Then, I can figure out how I really think and feel. Solitude brings clarity when I am confused because it eliminates the extra noise and distractions. Then, I can weigh the pros and cons.

It took me awhile to be okay with solitude, but it has served me well over the years. Spending time alone has helped me know who I am and who I am not. I have gained insight on my priorities and what I enjoy doing (versus what I happen to do when others are around). Pausing every now and then has helped set the trajectory for my life.

In some ways, solitude primed me for dealing with grief when Dave died because I understood how to pay attention to my feelings and not run away from them. In part, solitude taught me that uncomfortable moments do not last forever. Sometimes, we wish they would hurry on by, but we can grow to appreciate those awkward times, too!

In my case, I am never truly alone because solitude also involves connecting with God through prayer. It may include making lists or taking walks in nature, too. Or, perhaps it is an act of solitude to leave work an hour early to sit in the daycare parking lot and journal while listening to music. Yes, solitude is a part of self-care.

Solitude does not mean isolation…. or being alone forever, avoiding other people or their input. It just means hitting the brakes and checking the map to see if you are heading where you intended, or if you need to redirect.

There is no badge for busyness or skimping on sleep. Don’t let other people dictate what you do in life… you are responsible for your own happiness.

Jesus Himself was known for taking time away to spend with His Father. He relied on that quiet time to listen and gather His thoughts. I wonder what happened in those intimate moments between Jesus, His Father, and the Holy Spirit!

Perhaps getting away helped Jesus to refocus on His mission and renew His strength. Either way, He relied on God’s help to accomplish all He did!

These days, I don’t have many opportunities to “get away,” but I am reminded just how vital solitude can be. These skills take time and space and effort, but thankfully, God is always with us! He never leaves us nor forsakes us. He can bring solace in solitude, if only we quit spinning our wheels long enough to listen!

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God, thanks for being our Friend and Guide! May we pause in solitude and gratitude, inviting You to show us what to do next. May we receive Your best. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you enjoy being alone, or do you merely tolerate it when needed? How can you apply the idea of solitude for making decisions?

Tasks: If you have some big decisions ahead of you, take some time to clear your head and pray. Tune your heart to what the Holy Spirit may be telling you. For further reading, check out this article.

Grand Forks Getaway

As I previously mentioned, Lydia and I had a special getaway last weekend.

We had a great weekend about an hour north in Grand Forks, North Dakota! I had made a short list of potential activities and places to visit. But, as always, God took my loose plans and put His own spin on them!

On Friday evening, we visited dear friends at a park and were visited by the ice cream truck! My friends have three kids, ages 2 to almost 6, and they are all so cute. The little boy, the middle child, wanted to hold Lydia’s hand, sit right next to her, and have her carry him. It was fun seeing Lydia respond favorably to him and his sisters. As an only child, she’s not used to siblings!

Then, Lydia and I drove across the border to Cabela’s in East Grand Forks, Minnesota. She loved it and even came out with a new stuffed animal! Soon, we crossed the bridge back to the North Dakota side. We walked around downtown before heading back to Minnesota for our car. Later, Lydia lived it up at the hotel arcade. She even won first place in the racing game! Reminds me of her dad!

On Saturday morning we had breakfast with the same friends, this time the kids were left at home. The man was one of Dave’s Caterpillar coworkers and a pallbearer at his funeral. After Dave died, I gave him Dave’s Bible. It felt like the right thing to do to bless this ‘CAT guy.’ God has blessed that small act of faith, and it has been fun to see him lead his family toward Jesus.

This man was mourning the lost of his best friend, who had just died from COVID-19 complications earlier in the week. So on Saturday, we talked about faith, Dave, family, our Caterpillar connection, and more. He acknowledged that our visit seemed like God-ordained meeting. I am so grateful I could encourage this couple because they have been such an encouragement to me!

Then, Lydia and I drove around town, visiting Widman’s confectionery and the University of North Dakota/Ralph Engelstad Arena (known for intense ice hockey games!). Later, we went to the Blue Moose Restaurant and ate tapas, walked around the mall, and visited a local indie bookstore. Lydia also drew a crowd with her marksmanship skills at Scheels!

Saturday night, we spent a couple hours at the water park in our hotel. It was huge, and we had a blast on the water slides and practicing Lydia’s swimming skills. We even ran into another friend! Then, we relaxed and watched a movie while eating some snacks.

On Sunday, we drove about 20 miles west to Turtle River State Park. We had fun hiking around and were glad we went early to beat the heat. It was gorgeous! Then, we came back home and listened to an audiobook on the way. Lydia played with a friend while I did some yard work before family Zoom.

When making our plans, it took me awhile to decide what to do and where to stay. I was trying to decide about the water park and what other attractions to see. I was also uncertain if I should contact my friends since it had been a few years since we saw them. I didn’t want them to have to adjust their plans. Turns out, I contacted them on the same day they found out about the loss of their friend. Wow!

Our whole trip was covered by God’s grace. I’d like to take Lydia to Medora, ND sometime, too, but this was the best weekend we’ve had in awhile!

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God, You are so good and faithful! Thanks for leading us and for guiding our steps. Thanks for helping us encourage others as we honor Dave’s life and legacy. Help us continue to be a blessing. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Have you been to Grand Forks or Medora? What do you like to do on vacation? Do you like to relax or go sight-seeing? Do you make big plans or just meander?

Tasks: Next time you are considering a trip or step out of your normal routine, prayerfully go for it! Invite God to direct your path and see how He moves on your behalf! You never know just how He may use you to bless someone else.

Finding Grace #271

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week was busy but fun!

Work went well, and there were many interesting things that happened. Besides patient care, we had various meetings and trainings that show just how capable my team is. I really appreciate the perspective each person brings to our field. We have a lot of fun, too!

Lydia had fun at swimming lessons and learned some new techniques. It’s fun watching her bop along with the other kids. I enjoy watching her learn and grow!

Thursday, I took Lydia for a quick health check-up before school. She had symptoms of a cold and I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t COVID. Thankfully test was negative. The provider thought it was just allergies and gave her some Claritin. Overall, that seems to have helped. As a side note, I am grateful that was our first go-around with any sort of symptoms during the pandemic. Praise God!

The weather was great this week, with a lot of sunny days. It finally felt warm enough to leave my jacket at home! Spring is later here than my home state of Illinois. But, I also noticed my tulips are starting to bloom!

Today, we met with old friends, ate out, and spent time at a local water park marking eight years of Dave in Heaven. It was fun to do something different as we celebrated his life and legacy. I’m thankful for how far God has brought us, and I know Dave would be so proud!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Good God Almighty

Singer/songwriter David Crowder has a new song, called ‘Good God Almighty.’ Every time I hear it, it makes me happy and I turn it up! For me, it is a celebratory song about Who God is and for all He has done. But, it’s also a prompt to keep moving forward.

Good God Almighty
I hope You’ll find me
Praising Your name no matter what comes

‘Cause I know where I’d be
Without Your mercy
So I keep praising Your name at the top of my lungs

Tell me is He good? (He’s good)
Tell me is He God? (He’s God)
He is, Good God Almighty

This weekend, as we ‘celebrate’ eight years of Dave being in Heaven, we will continue to honor his memory. How we do that has changed over time, but in years past, we would eat some of his favorite foods and/or I would give Lydia a special gift. Despite the sadness, we have tried to enjoy the day.

As Lydia continues to grow and learn, she has more questions and emotions. That’s normal, but these things have been coming up more in conversation these last few months. So, it seems appropriate to do something bigger this time, like visit a local indoor water park! We might even meet up with some friends who knew Dave. Lydia is so excited which is fun to see!

We will have fun and might even be a little sad. That’s okay because we can still move forward in the midst of mixed emotions! And, I know Dave would be so proud of us.

Besides, if I really believe God is God, then I need to trust Him and make sure I am representing Him well. I can set a good example of perseverance for Lydia (and others).

I can praise Him when things are going well and when they are not. He knows exactly what I need, and He can help me get through it with His grace.

He is Good God Almighty despite my feelings and circumstances!

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God, thanks for bringing us through the last eight years. You are so good and faithful, Lord. Help us keep praising You no matter what Life throws at us. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you find it difficult to keep moving forward when Life gets rough? (I understand how difficult it can be… don’t give up!) Will you let God help?

Tasks: Listen to the song, Good God Almighty.’ Then, praise God for Who He is and for all He has done!

In Good Company

In about ten days, Lydia and I will celebrate Dave being in Heaven for eight years. I say “celebrate” but that does not mean we don’t miss him every day. I’m simply trying to keep an eternal perspective because that’s the only way to keep moving forward.

I mentioned this previously, but I continue to see God working all around me, especially in terms of grief and loss. I am alright with that.

For instance, at work, I once talked with a Veteran who lost her twin sister. She thanked me for acknowledging her grief, and we had a wonderful conversation. I’ve learned sometimes I have to reach someone’s heart before I can address the “work” that needs attention in their head (i.e. their mindset or habits).

Then, recently, I talked with a Veteran who has been in my care for about a year and a half. He has been through all sorts of health issues including cancer and multiple falls.

I called this man to check in with him, nutritionally, but I also wanted to offer my condolences. His wife of fifty years had suddenly died. She had been such a support for him, and now she is gone. I knew it would be a tough conversation, but he reminded me about the book, A Grief Observed, by CS Lewis. Suffice it to say we had a God connection.

It was a good conversation, and I briefly explained that I was a widow. Professionally, I don’t share my story often, but it made sense in the moment. I was simply following my heart, grateful that he knows the Lord, too. That made all the difference.

My very next patient was a Veteran whose sister recently died after a brief illness. I thought that was ironic, dealing with grief twice in the same day. For this man, I did not share my story because it wasn’t necessary. I was able to encourage him just by listening.

After that, I met with still yet another Veteran. I was supposed to educate him about one illness, but then he mentioned he is receiving treatment for colon cancer. (He actually was wearing his chemo pouch, just like Dave had to do.) He mentioned one of Dave’s doctors, and his chemo regimen was the same, too. I almost couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

To my surprise, this Veteran has been dealing with his cancer for a few years and has almost zero side effects. He does not feel overly weak and still has good appetite. He is still able to be active remodeling old buildings! That made me so happy. I did not explain my background, but inwardly, I was celebrating and thanking God for giving this man good quality time with his family.

I don’t know why God has me talk with all these people (besides for work reasons), but I am grateful He can use my pain to relate to and serve others. No matter who we talk with each day, we can look for similarities and ways to connect.

Perhaps we discuss something funny, or perhaps it’s something sad. Either way, chances are God can use it to bring comfort. Each of us has pain that only He can heal. Once we understand that, we will see that we’re in good company.

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God, thanks for Your redemption and for using me to bless others. Thanks that my story can bring comfort and healing to others. You don’t waste my pain or my tears. All glory and honor to You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you see God at work in you story? Will you let Him use you to bless others and bring healing?

Tasks: Next time you sense an opportunity where God can work, don’t resist. Just pray and trust that it’s His timing. Your job is simply to be obedient, not worry about the outcome. Let Jesus bring the SUPER to your natural abilities!

Tenderhearted

As we go through April, I have been reminded that the 8th anniversary of Dave’s death is drawing near. May 15th will be here before we know it! Overall, I am doing well.

But, I’ve noticed a few issues steering me toward elements of grief. First, I’ve seen a few memories pop up on my phone or online. One was a video of a four-month-old Lydia “talking” to me. This was a few weeks before Dave’s sudden cancer diagnosis, so it is quite poignant. Sweet little Lydia babbling away, while none of us realized what was coming.

Second, I’ve received several prayers for health concerns. It may be entire families dealing with COVID (parents and children), or others receiving heartbreaking news or diagnoses. Some of these issues are acute and some are chronic.

One family, who I’ve known (loosely) for many years, is not dealing with cancer but other long-term health issues, which came on suddenly after a recent accident. The doctors are hopeful, but they have a long road ahead of them.

Online, the family shares the realities of their hardships, but they also shares songs and words of hope. It reminds me of when Dave was so sick and it felt like I was trying to run the race of faith for both of us. It was exhausting, but feeling everyone’s love made all the difference. Thanks for your prayers!

I do not see these memories and issues as mere coincidences. They aren’t just popping up though it feels that way at times. Instead, I sense God drawing me close and leading me to stay sensitive to His Holy Spirit. I’m grateful for these gentle reminders.

In addition to memories and prayer requests, I have been reading my NLT Chronological Bible and am learning some new things! Also, I am watching the Chosen television series. I downloaded the app and usually watch it on my tablet.

This series is powerful and it helps me see the Bible come alive. I love the character development, and it’s a great way to draw close to God’s Truth. From portraying the generosity of Jesus’ Mother to Matthew’s history and behaviors, which set him at odds with the other Disciples, the show has a lot of plausibility.

While there is no substitute for Scripture, I like to look up the Bible passages that are seen in each episode. Still, I really appreciate the creativity. It opens my imagination and helps me see God at work in my life, too.

There are some very moving moments, and I find myself thinking about the show for days. I even get a little choked up when I consider that millions of people all over the world are also watching… and learning… more of Who Jesus Is.

Those who know me best will tell you I tend to get teary-eyed when the Holy Spirit gets ahold of my heart. Sometimes it is a little embarrassing to cry easily, but I am calling it a win for being tenderhearted!

I don’t normally describe myself as such, and I used to try to be more stoic (in order to appear strong, perhaps?). Keep it together, Natalie! 😉 Yet, pain and the heartbreak of grief brings a new level of emotional acuity.

So, I don’t apologize for my feelings anymore. We don’t live by our emotions, but they can help us see Jesus more clearly…. and the needs around us.

If anything, I hope other people are encouraged to be themselves and sit with their feelings. Stay tenderhearted before the Lord and see what He will do in your life and through you to bless others.

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God, I praise You for using all my circumstances to make me more like Jesus. You are so good. Help me trust You and keep my heart pliable before You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you describe yourself as more stoic or tenderhearted? (I can be both, depending on the situation!) How can I be praying for you today?

Tasks: Listen to the song, “Jesus I Believe,” by Big Daddy Weave. Instead of running from pain, let it turn your heart to Jesus. He loves you so much!!

Finding Grace #266

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This was a productive week! I enjoyed a slightly slower pace at work filled with a few meetings, good conversations, yummy treats, and a fair amount of laughter. My coworkers and I were learning how to use a new tube feeding pump so we can educate our patients. It reminded me of the classic joke… how many (dietitians) does it take to change a light bulb?!

Lydia’s school was doing some state testing this week. She forgot her iPad at home because she was charging. I wasn’t able to bring it since I was already all the way across town at work. Thankfully, she borrowed one from the school library.

On Thursday evening, Lydia and I went out to eat with coworkers to bid farewell to our dietetic intern! She has been with us since January, and we all appreciated having her. She helped us with our work and was quick to learn everything we threw at her!

While at dinner on Thursday, I got to hold a coworker’s sweet four-month-old baby girl. She was so cute and alert! This baby was born the same month as Lydia so there are many similarities in the timing of her growth and development. As such, it meant a lot to me that I got to hold the baby, specifically because Lydia was the same size and age in April right before Dave got sick in May. Whenever I see a baby that age, I think about those few weeks and consider them a sweet spot before all Hell broke loose.

I went to the college campus on Friday to teach my class. It was on renal disease, which is kind of a complex topic. But, I did my best and felt good about it overall. In addition to covering the material, at least on a basic level, my goal is to give my students practical guidance to set them up for success. I also enjoyed catching up with some of the staff, too!

This week, the weather was windy and rainy at times. But, we need the rain and I was thankful it wasn’t snowing! Then again, it was absolutely gorgeous today, and I enjoyed hearing the song birds and seeing some crocuses popping up!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Finding Grace #260

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week was full of God’s grace. I felt Him directing my path and filling in the gaps along the way. I’m so grateful He leads me through parenting issues, especially when it comes to dealing with Lydia’s subtle but ongoing grief about her dad, my late-husband, Dave! She’s doing fine today but had a few emotional moments this week.

On Wednesday, Lydia had a check-up at the orthodontist. She had braces a couple of years ago, but currently she is only wearing a retainer. We’ll see what the future x-rays show, but for now, everything looks good. Ironically, the next day, Lydia lost another tooth!

It was a good work-week, too. I felt productive and accomplished a lot. I had good conversations and collaborations with my coworkers. I also had fun leading a student meeting for around 60 students, plus meeting with my own students later on.

Today, I enjoyed catching up with my parents on the phone. My mom and I compared parenting notes, and my dad helped me fix my kitchen garbage disposal. It felt good to troubleshoot and get the motor running again. It feels good to solve the problem on my own!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Bring Your Tough Questions to Jesus

Yesterday, I watched a Bible Project video about “emet,” that is, God’s faithfulness and trustworthiness. I love these videos! Interestingly, the next video in the series says that Exodus 34:6-7 is the most repeated and re-quoted text by Biblical authors. Wow!!

I also heard a teacher from Read through the Word say, “If you can’t quite see God’s faithfulness in your own life, look for His faithfulness in the lives of others… both in the Bible and people you know.”

So, naturally, God’s faithfulness is on my mind this week! That said, it can sometimes be difficult to see faithfulness when you are in the midst of trials or emotional upheaval. But keep looking… It’s there!

Also, earlier this week, I was texting with two different ladies at the same time. One is very close to me and the other I have never met (a friend of a friend). They are both going through the early stages of severe grief, though their losses are different. Neither felt up to talking on the phone, so texting was their preferred option.

I wish I could take away the pain these ladies are feeling, but I cannot. It will take a fair amount of time and effort to process their intense grief. I’m available to help and listen, but I cannot heal their hearts on my own. However, I can point them toward God’s faithfulness. If they draw close to Him, He will be there strength and everything they need.

After my late-husband, Dave, died in 2013, I certainly had a lot of questions with few answers. I chose not to be mad at God, but still I wondered what our relationship was supposed to look like. I was understandably confused and disappointed.

Back then, another friend simply encouraged me to keep bringing those questions to God Himself. She validated my feelings and challenged me to not give up. Her words resonated with me as she reminded me that God could handle all my emotions. All I had to do was keep coming to Him. It was a breath of fresh air!

My daughter, Lydia, is quite resilient, but even so, she does tend to go through periods of mourning for her dad. Her grief is different than mine, and I cannot always shield her from pain and loss. Though, I can to create a safe space to discuss what’s on her heart.

Recently, Lydia showed me a paper from church where the children were asked to write down questions they would ask God. I don’t know what the lesson was about, but on the top of her list was this question: How is my dad doing?

While I hate that she has to bear such loss, I am glad she feels good about asking God tough questions. (She also asked what God’s favorite color and food were, so I don’t think she was too upset on that day.)

Bottom line: Our doubts and fears can yield a deeper faith as long as we bring all of those questions to Jesus, instead of turning away and trying to cope on our own.

Whether we come to God in anger, confusion, sadness, disappointment—or even with joy and gratitude—we are changed in the presence of Jesus.

He can handle our deepest concerns because His grace knows no bounds. It may be slow progress, but eventually, we will be on level ground again.

Don’t give up when you don’t get the answers you want. Just keep asking and trusting. God will make everything right in due time.

I’m grateful He knows our hearts better than we do!

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God, thanks that we can bring all our tough questions directly to You. Thanks for Your unmatched grace and faithfulness. Please speak words of comfort and healing; Lord, give us Your peace. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you find yourself weeping with those who weep? Or are you trying to bring surface (quick and superficial) solutions to deep and lasting grief?

Tasks: If you don’t know what to say to someone who is grieving, perhaps don’t say anything. Instead, show up for them. Be available even just to sit and listen, or help with difficult task. Finally, listen to this song, “God Help Me,” by Plumb.

Finding Grace #257

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week was bittersweet. On Sunday, my cousin’s twelve-year-old son was killed in a tragic snowmobile accident. Death and grief are difficult under any circumstances, but the loss of a child are unimaginable. Thanks for keeping my family in prayer.

Work went well at the VA and I worked all five days, as opposed to my usual four days. I recently had additional hours permanently approved, so that started this week. I am grateful for God’s provision, and I am happy to go in on Fridays for a part-day now. 

I did not go to Concordia this week, due to some other college scheduling. But, I still worked on some upcoming lessons, graded assignments, and answered emails, etc. It was strange not to be on campus, though!

Today, Lydia and I relaxed somewhat amid all our Saturday chores. I roasted a variety of vegetables and made a mushroom stroganoff that was so delicious! I also made a simple onion bagel with veggie cream cheese, cucumbers, and seasoning. It was a good day to stay inside, and I love being creative in the kitchen!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!