Category: Parenting

Posted on in Miscellaneous, Parenting, Wisdom

Try, Try Again!

Did you make any New Year’s Resolutions? Three weeks into January, how are you doing?

While I don’t make resolutions, I enjoy setting goals and making plans.
When it comes to developing good habits, I would rather make simple changes that add up over time. I like to see progress and like the flexibility to alter goals as needed.

There is no problem with setting goals and making plans in general. Yet, I’ve realized that I can attempt to control too many outcomes, including others’ reactions. Have you been there too? Ultimately, this causes a lot of stress and can actually hinder progress.

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For example, this winter I signed Lydia up for ice skating lessons. I thought it was a great idea and would teach her valuable skills. Lydia never requested the lessons (ahem), but I wanted her to try it out and learn. We do live on the Minnesota border after all!

I hoped Lydia would learn to enjoy ice skating as much as I do. We signed up for a six week parent-tot class, where I go out on the ice with Lydia. My main goal was that she would try her best. If she had fun or was good at it, that would be a bonus.

Well, we’re a few weeks into it and things have not gone according to my plan. A few days ago, Lydia flat-out refused to get on the ice. In fact, she stubbornly sat in the bleachers and wouldn’t budge. I couldn’t move her without causing a scene, though she is typically more compliant.

I’d say that Lydia takes after Dave, but nobody would ever believe me! 😉

pizza pic

I didn’t expect perfection, I just wanted her to try!

I finally convinced Lydia to try again after sitting through the entire class. I might’ve threatened to eat her leftover pizza if she didn’t get on the ice. At any rate, she was motivated for the last thirty seconds of class. She skated out as the other kids came in.

Trust me, I did not earn any parenting awards that day!

Then last night, we went to the class again. This time I left all expectations at the door. I was prepared to sit and watch, if needed. I resolved to coach instead of coax. I remained positive and encouraged Lydia at her own pace. She fell several times, yet by God’s grace, she tried her best and did great. We had fun and each learned a few new skills.

I was so proud of Lydia! I realized if I push my plan (aka “You will do this and enjoy it!”), she could grow to hate ice skating. When I backed off and relaxed, we made much more progress. Lydia was able to relax and was proud of herself, too.

ice skating

You know, in my own stubbornness, sometimes I try to do the same thing with God. In my impatience, I can get ahead of God and try to do His part. Or, I prefer my goals and plan to His. I get caught up in my own expectations, and leave no wiggle room for what God wants to do on my behalf.

Thankfully, the Lord doesn’t just let me skate by! Sometimes, I need to sit and watch what He is doing. Sometimes, I have an active role. Many times, I’m the one needing the lesson!

When Life doesn’t go as planned, we can change goals and alter our expectations. When we persevere and don’t give up, God is faithful to direct us where we need to go.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

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Father God, thank You for being patient with me when I am stubborn. I am a slow learner at times. Thank You for grace and do-overs. Your plan is far better than mine! Help me do my best. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Questions: Are you stubborn too? 🙂 What is something you are learning lately?

Posted on in Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Parenting, Wisdom

Rejoice! God Is with Us!

I previously mentioned this holiday season took me by surprise with the amount of grief I have experienced. I didn’t expect to sail through the holidays, of course. But it’s been more intense and has lasted longer than I expected.

Really, it has been a few months—from Halloween, Lydia’s birthday, Thanksgiving, Dave’s birthday last week, Christmas, to our wedding anniversary coming up in early January. However, God has been faithfully reminding me of His love.

With each year that goes by, Lydia is older, understands more, and asks more questions— especially about Dave and God. In fact, she is talking about Dave nearly every day now.

I’ve heard it is generally wise to explain things to a child at his or her level of understanding. Two years ago, for our first holiday season without Dave, Lydia adored babies. They were her point of reference for everything in her little world. Lydia was very interested in Baby Jesus which helped guide our Christmas conversation.

As she asks me more specific questions about Dave, I point her to Jesus. If Lydia knows who Jesus is and that He is GOOD, she’ll understand that Dave/Daddy is safe with Jesus.

It helps me to reflect on that too.

manger

In explaining the Christmas story to Lydia, I’ve been able to see it through a fresh lens. It is so simple. The word “gospel” means good news… and I can’t think of ANY better news than this! “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him” (John 3:16-17).

While Christmas is still difficult for us without Dave, we celebrate Jesus! Isaiah 9:6 says, “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Praise the King of Kings!!

O come, O come Emmanuel!
(third verse)

“O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer,
Our spirits by Thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death’s dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.”

Jesus makes all the difference.

Knowing Jesus means that someday I will see Dave and other loved ones again. Because of Jesus, Lydia will get to meet her Daddy again. He gives us Victory over the grave…and grief.

Over these last few years, God challenged and conquered all my fears. I don’t have to be afraid because He is with me. In Christ I live and move and have my being (Acts 17:28). With Him, I don’t have to do Life alone. I can have His love, joy, and peace today!

Whatever you are dealing with, take heart. With Jesus, there is HOPE. He brings good news to the poor, comforts the brokenhearted, and sets the captives free. He gives us favor with God (see Isaiah 61:1-3). He offers new life and purpose. Jesus changes everything.

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

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Thank You, God, for loving us so much. Thanks for Your grace and favor. Help us walk in the freedom You have given us. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Posted on in Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Parenting, Procrastination, Wisdom

Put on Your Pants!

Over the last year or so, Lydia has been doing more things for herself. You’d think I would have more time. Though in reality, I spend about as much time coaching her and suggesting ideas. Here is an example of a typical morning:

Lydia, procrastinating and playing: “I don’t know what to wear!”

Me, checking the clock: “Well, you could start with your pants.”

Lydia, starting to whine: “But, but, I want to wear a dress….and I don’t know which shoes to wear!”

Me, quickly building up steam: “I said, put on your PANTS!”

(Can you relate?!)

Lydia plays, jumps on the bed and wastes time, preferring her own agenda. I know it is par for the course—no one said parenting would be easy. But, it drives me nuts!

“I don’t know what pajamas I want to wear…”

This also happens at bedtime, so I’ve had many “opportunities” to ponder the situation.

Pants

And truthfully, there are times when I act the same way. (Gasp!) Yep. I can delay in obeying God in the most simple things—like adjusting my schedule, or calling to encourage a friend, or offering to help someone. I wrongly think whatever I happen to be doing is more important.

Often, God will ask me to do something that doesn’t quite make sense. Sometimes it feels uncomfortable or inconvenient. Occasionally, it even seems inconsequential—a tiny task that won’t make a difference. “It won’t matter if I don’t…“

Yes, it does matter! Delayed obedience is still disobedience.

Like an exasperated parent, I bet sometimes we drive God a little crazy, too. Thank the Lord for His abundant mercy and grace!

I want all the answers, the whole picture. I want to know the purpose, plan, and the procedures. I want a guarantee, don’t you?!

Well, like my child (ahem), I just have to take the first step. I pray for wisdom and courage. I seek wise counsel. Yes.

But I can’t delay if it still seems unclear. God will provide the next step when needed. If I make a mistake, I don’t have to worry. His grace gives me a do-over.

(No. Grace is not a free license to do whatever we want. Sorry!)

Lots of Pants Hanging

By faith, do the uncomfortable, inconvenient thing. Even if it doesn’t seem important.
Soon, there’s momentum—moving in the right direction and seeing results. Praise God!

Is there a next step you need to take? Please stop resisting, and do it cheerfully!

Not sure what that is? Try one of these from Colossians 3, my emphasis added.

v. 12: “…clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

v.13: “Bear with each other and forgive one another… Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

v.14: “And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

v.15: “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.”

**And whatever you do, PLEASE, don’t forget to put on your pants!!**

Posted on in Food and Nutrition, Fruit, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Parenting

Peaches, Sno-Cones, and Unexpected Grace

Peaches are loaded with nutrients, like potassium, and Vitamins A and C. They are also a good source of fiber. And sno-cones? Ummm…Not so much! They are comprised of sugary syrup, and other not-so-great ingredients…

Now, I am not going to bash sno-cones, but as a dietitian I certainly don’t promote or recommend them. In fact, no real nutritional comparison can be made! So, why link them together with peaches? Because of grace.

 Peaches in a Basket

Peaches remind me of the grace that comes with hospitality. My neighbor, Melissa, lives across the street. She recently brought us some amazing, “juice-dripping-down-your-face” fresh peaches. Melissa had some extras, and didn’t want to waste them. So, she graciously shared them with us. It was totally unexpected, but so appreciated!

I could have made something out of the peaches, though we ended up eating them in all their fuzzy glory. They didn’t last long enough! Yum!

We’ve had great “neighbor-friends” over the years. To start, we’ve shared meals and good stories. Neighbors have helped with yard work and snow removal from time to time. Some have hung pictures or changed light bulbs around the house. They’ve watered my plants; checked the front door for packages; and kept an eye on the house when we travel. A few have even watched Lydia for me in a pinch.

I am so thankful for the help!

Sno-Cone

A few days after the peaches, Lydia and I came across a local park event. It was an outdoor craft fair with many family-friendly events. We enjoyed a horse and carriage ride, music in the park, and perusing the booths. And yes, Lydia had her first sno-cone.

Lydia was excited to be at the park, as it was a last minute decision after our original plans fell through. It was an impromptu event for us, but I realized something. Many of the best times we have are the unplanned, in-the-moment ones.

Part of the definition of grace is that it is undeserved. There is an element of surprise as well—like an unexpected bonus that yields something good that would have otherwise been missed. Grace is in the simple things we so often overlook.

Back to the sno-cone. Lydia didn’t do anything special to deserve it. I was savoring God’s goodness, and enjoying the unexpectedly beautiful and unhurried day. Buying the sno-cone was merely an extension of that.

(For the record, Lydia really wanted to slurp up the leftover liquid (not juice!) at the bottom of the sno-cone cup. But, I declined since she was wearing a white shirt, and I knew would make a mess… And of course, she didn’t need it anyway!) 🙂

Thank You, God, for unexpected grace. Thanks for wonderful neighbors and friends, delicious peaches, and even sno-cones to remind me of the beauty and joy You provide. Help me slow down and notice. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Posted on in Miscellaneous, Parenting

Favorite Nancy!

I have aunt whose name is Nancy. Lydia remembers Aunt Nancy reading to her when she came to visit us last year. In fact, Aunt Nancy read just about every book Lydia could find! Then, on our family vacation in July, we saw her again. Later, Aunt Nancy also mailed Lydia some books for us to read.

I also recently met a lady named Nancy at our church. I called her, and left a voice mail. When she returned my call, Lydia got excited (and a bit confused!).

Besides these lovely ladies, we received the book Fancy Nancy from a cousin in the mail. Lydia and I often quote the book to each other, as we really enjoy it!

It’s fair to say the name “Nancy” has been a hot topic around our house!

While I was on the phone with Nancy from church, Lydia was jumping and singing. “Aunt Nancy, Aunt Nancy…. She’s my favorite!”

After I got off the phone, I tried to explain a few things to Lydia. First, we don’t sing loudly when someone is on the phone. Second, there are two different “Nancys.” I explained how Aunt Nancy is my aunt, so she is Lydia’s great-aunt.

I thought I did a pretty good job—until Lydia began twirling and singing again. Loudly. Off-key. “Great Nancy! She’s my favorite! My Nancy! Aunt Nancy, Nancy! I looooove her!”

Lydia will gain better understanding someday. For now, I am going to enjoy her singing…

Zephaniah 3.17

“Great Nancy! She’s my favorite! My Nancy! Nancy, Nancy! I looooove her!” Soon, I was able to envision God doing the same thing. (Though, I doubt He sings off-key!)

The Bible says God delights in each of us. He sings and dances at the thought of me and Y-O-U. Can you sense His excitement?! He protects us and watches over us while we sleep. Even when we are totally unaware, God still adores us.

As if that is not enough, our Creator God is more than able to love each of us in personal ways. It is not good for parents to play favorites—because we don’t do it well. But, Father God, in His grace and wisdom, takes great joy in each of us as individuals.

Do you understand what this means? Yes! YOU are His favorite! (And so am I!) God thinks of you every moment. He has you written on the palm of His hand (Isaiah 49:16).

But when Life gets tough, it is easy to forget God’s love. We can’t always sense God’s loving presence. But He is there nonetheless. He calls you by name, and has fashioned you for a specific purpose. He loves you with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3).

So let’s make this personal. Insert YOUR name here, and imagine God singing about you!

“Great ________! He/She’s my favorite! My ________! ________, _______! I looooove him/her!”

Listen. Can you hear it?

Then share this with the next person you see-—more than likely, they need to hear it too.

Posted on in Miscellaneous, Parenting

Grace and Ice Cream

Grace is like lemonade. Or, grace could easily be like ice cream too. Both are sweet and refreshing—and delicious… (Hey, this dietitian loves good food and metaphors!)

There are times when my daughter, Lydia, asks to ride her bike or play at the park.

But I reserve the right to tell her no!

Well, in true preschooler fashion, Lydia can throw a good fit. Actually, it is more of a high-pitched, slow whine. “Whyyyyyy can I not play outside?! I want to ride my biiiike!”

Unbeknownst to her, I have better things in mind. When I refuse her request, it is not because I’m a mean mom. I simply want to take her for ice cream.

(Which is way better, right?!)

I love to see the look of joy on Lydia’s face when I surprise her with an exciting outing. But, I also don’t tell her much in advance, because young kids have no sense of time. Also, I may determine to save it for a different day if she has poor behavior. Thus, it is better to not mention the surprise until we are ready to go.

Ice cream cone

I wonder if that is how God sees some of our attitudes and requests too! He has amazing plans for us, but He only tells us a little bit at a time. We cannot fathom eternity as God sees it. Some day we will. For now, we can trust in His grace and goodness. His thoughts are not our thoughts, neither are our ways His ways (see Isaiah 55:8).

But for now, we get sidetracked because He does not seem to give us what we want. How many times do we miss what He desires so eagerly to give us, because we won’t give up our longings or requests?

Often, God is waiting for us to calm down—so we can listen, put on our shoes, and get in the car. Apologizing for our bad attitude is also a good idea…

(Oh, wait…)

God, don’t let me settle for anything less than Your best. Thank you for not giving me everything I want or think I need. Help me have a good attitude in the waiting. “Godliness with contentment is great gain” (1 Timothy 6:6)!

Posted on in Journey of Grace, Miscellaneous, Parenting

Father Knows Best

Over the last two years since Dave died, I’ve been able to go through many of his belongings. But, until recently, I still had his 1965 Chevelle (a classic car). I started praying for God’s help in selling the Chevelle. It was time to sell it, but I was struggling with how to go about it.

Over a few weeks, I had several people interested and even received a couple (low) offers. I was frustrated at these perceived setbacks.

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So, I asked God if there was anything I was missing, or that He wanted to show me…

I had been prepping my daughter, Lydia, for several months in anticipation of selling the car. I explained that it will no longer be “Daddy’s car” when we sell it. Lydia had never ridden in it because she was still so little—17 months old—when Dave died…and there were no seat belts in the back. In the past, I tried to put her in it and take some pictures but it never worked out.

On a recent Sunday evening, we were talking about the Chevelle (still in our garage). On her own, Lydia said she would like to ride in the car. I had never even thought of that! Right away, I realized that is probably what the Lord was waiting on…that moment.

My neighbor drove Lydia and two of his daughters on a tour around the neighborhood. He said Lydia talked the whole time, and had a great ride! She never would have been able to remember such an event previously. So, I am very glad to wait on God’s perfect timing. Had we already sold the car, she would not have that experience!

Lydia and I often talk about God being our (her) Father. I want her to have closure, but Father God cares so much more about her little heart than I do. I was so touched, that God would wait until she was older for her to have this special experience. One she will actually remember, and can look back on with joy.

God’s plan is always perfect, and often He is working behind the scenes. This was most certainly worth the wait! Thank You, Father, for all you do for us. Father knows best! 🙂

Posted on in Miscellaneous, Parenting

What I Learned from a Cup of Milk

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” (1 John 3:1).

God’s Fatherly love for us only becomes more apparent when you are a parent!

When Lydia was about 15 months old, she obviously had a limited vocabulary. She was unable to communicate effectively what she wanted. Of course, as a mother, I relied on understanding her habits, nonverbal grunts and actions. I also knew her basic schedule and exactly what she needed.

One day, Lydia went to the refrigerator for some milk. I poured her milk, but did not move quickly enough for her impatient little self. She screamed. She cried. Her face turned red with anger. Full-blown tantrum!

I had every intention to give Lydia the milk. In fact, I wanted her to have it. But, her hands were so clenched that she physically could not receive the cup of milk. Lydia begged for the milk, and was furious that I didn’t give it to her. Yet, I was simply unable to give her what she so desperately wanted.

New Image

In that moment, I could see how unpleasant we appear when impatiently waiting on the Lord. Just like a loving parent gives good gifts to their children, every good and perfect gift comes from our Father God (see James 1:17). God has good plans for us. He longs to give us good things—such as gifts, wisdom and guidance, and answers to prayer.

If it doesn’t line up with our timeline, or match our expectations, we can completely miss what God is doing in our lives. We beg God. We demand He fulfill our wishes. We can get frustrated with God at times, but it is so clear from the other side.

Father God, help me to wait patiently on You. I don’t want to grumble or complain. Help me be cheerful, and yield to Your timing. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.